My Post Secret

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me....

I have stopped may daily ritual of reading the obituaries. It started when I was a kid. I guess it was the faces in the paper that drew my attention. That and I adored my grandma and she was always reading the obituaries, though she had a purpose, her friends were actually dying.

For a long while I didn't get the paper so I had " kicked the habit." Then came the internet (dun, dun, dun). My habit began again, but not daily...more like an "I'm bored lets see who died kinda thing" (hush, it makes sense to me!). I have no idea what my fascination is. The first thing I do is browse over the names and then I always look at the person's age. If they are above 70, I browse it over real quick. The younger they are the more intently I read. Sometimes the crazy person in me even put their name into the facebook search. Why, again I have no idea, I think it is well established I am a crazy person!

Anyways, after my dad died the whole ritual took on a new purpose. I couldn't miss a day of obituaries, not one. If I did then lucky me, you can search past dates, and I would. I'm a little embarrassed to say why I had to search the obituaries but here is where I let it out.... post my secret....

Drunk Driver- everyday since you killed my dad I have searched the obits for your name. When I found out you moved to a new city/state, well I started daily watching the obits there....


I don't know what I thought I'd find, relief perhaps? Probably just hoping justice would finally be served.

But I am happy to say that this is no longer my secret. Not only becasue I just told you but becasue I've stopped looking. One more tie that this man had over me is gone.

I am Free!

Dropping the ball. Errr, the soap!

I was in the shower and had a realization.... Yes, one that I can share without a TMI moment... but not quite yet. First I must pick on my Brad a bit. It isn't his favorite past time of mine but he knows it is all in love so here goes....

Like all men, my husband is oblivious. Oblivious to the laundry basket 2 inches from where he tosses his clothes, oblivious to the dishwasher sitting open after dinner waiting for plates to be fed to it, and oblivious to the child reaching for something that he just can't reach when he is again only 2 inches away. But I guess that is a gender trait- I can't fault him for it ( though I do becasue really IT IS TWO INCHES FROM YOU!!!!) I digress....

Unexpectedly, while I was in the shower I came to a realization. There are a few things, okay probably many, that I am unaware of  but are on his radar  (however, since I am perfect, everything is on my radar so I don't know what crazy I am talking : P )

Anyways, I never have to replace the soap- there is always a bar there when I go to take a shower, always. It made me think, what else in the house is just always there for me without me having to make sure it is... I came up with nothing. I'd like to joke here that my husband can do nothing but remember to change the soap. And then make another witty comment about how it is he still manages to be a stinky man when he does such a good job with the soap. Or maybe something about how  his own stink is what reminds him to get soap but I won't.... see I didn't type a thing about that!

What I will say is that I know for a fact, being the perfectionist that I think I am, I often overlook the small things Brad does for us or even the big things that I don't think are done the way I would do them. So I'll work on it Brad, I promise. Everyday when I am in the shower with my bar of soap, the one that I didn't have to be responsible for, I'll be reminded. So don't forget the soap! Because that I will surely notice!

To friend or not to friend....

I'm ready for summer to be over. I do prefer it to winter but I also love Fall oh so very much. And then there is that other summer thing- the kids home ALL day. Summer is that enjoyable yet unenjoyable time of year. Not to mention during summer I am isolated to the house or shaded areas thanks to my skin revolting against the sun... I seriously think I am so white I am glowing now...

But back to the kids- don't get me wrong I want to see my kids and I miss them when they are gone all the time with school and such but the craziness and monotony (yes, I know those are contradictory)of them here all day every day for months makes me a little crazy.

My schedule is off- I don't seem to keep up on cleaning as easily as when they are gone. Hmmm, might that have something to do with them being here trashing the house non-stop? It is defeating to clean a room and then within the hour find the more things all over again. Dinner goes in spurts of cooking and not- it is hard to plan dinner in advance when you don't know who will actually be in attendance for said meal.

Then there is the constant flow of kids in my house. And yes, IN- becasue for some reason I can't get my kids OUT of the house. I think perhaps I need to keep a less cushy home! I'm sure this is sounding like I don't want the kids friends over but that is NOT what I mean. I don't care if they are here most of the time as long as everyone is getting along.

It is just the quick run to the store isn't possible unless I send everyone home, and what a pain that is. Plus then my kids are whining becasue they just want to play and here I am dragging them to run errands. I'll have plans for the kids and myself, then a friend calls and suddenly no one wants my plan anymore, they want friends over. Maybe I am just sad they are picking friends over me?

I'm not sure why I can't say no to the constant playdates. Probably becasue in some ways it is just easier. Easier then listening to them whine about not having anything to do or why they can't play with so and so (yep, my kids friends are named so and so!) And easier then entertaining them all day on my own. I am not a get down on the floor and play with you kind of parent.

The kids summer wishlist is sadly unaccomplished. And mostly becasue friends are always here or one of my kids is gone with a friend. I guess I could figure out how to include friends in the plans but why is some family time too much to ask for? I think back to my childhood- my parents didn't make summer plans with me. Heck, I hardly even saw my parents. I spent the entire summer outside or at a friends from when I woke up until I went to bed. I'm not sure how I would have felt about plans with my parents but I think I would have been thrilled. Maybe my kids have it too good- I am too available to them. But is that even possible? To be too available? I think not. Perhaps I am projecting my childhood dreams onto my children?

So even though my kids are choosing friends over our wishlist I somehow feel guilty for not having them accomplish it anyways. I had visions of them reading and working on more school work all summer as well- but then as soon as we wake up someone is here, nothing gets done.... I didn't do school work during the summer so do they really need to? I think the problem is I am pretty good at putting myself in other people's shoes and seeing it from their point of view so I can logically see the kids POV for wanting friends over and skipping the reading. Then yes, I can see the teacher POV telling me what a disadvantage I am doing to my kids. Then back to the kids POV- what a disadvantage I am doing to them not letting them have this summer memories and build strong bonds with their friends...

Oh I could ramble on and on.... I'll stop.... I'm certain there is something I need to clean- oh and shockingly there is a kids argument going on and someone is crying.... I think it is ship you outside and lock the door time!

Where Have I Been?

My blogging is long over due. Not because I don't have anything to blog but because frankly, I have too much. There was the vacation up north with the in laws. Followed up by seriously considering buying a new house. Finding the dream house only to have it squashed by repair work needed and it already being at the top of our budget. Next was finding another house we love, making an offer, having it accepted, and listing our house for sale.

Listing our house meant crazy quick work at organizing that one room I had been putting off for months, okay you got me, years (dun, dun, dun...) the basement. And also fixing all those little things that are wrong with your house but for some reason you don't take the hour to deal with it you just put up with it. Why do we do stupid things like that? Oh I know because they are "Brad jobs" he likes to almost finish something then move on to a new task. I guess I really need to learn some "man jobs" so I can just do them and quit complaining huh?!

The big kicker and summer eater.... well that is the lovely phone call I received from members of my mother's church asking me if I " knew the situation at her trailer." Well yes, I've known the situation my entire life. But, really I didn't totally know the situation. If I had it would have been dealt with already. What is this situation? Well it is my mom's hoarding of course but with an added bonus this time- a mouse infestation. Her home turned into a garbage dump over run with mice, the whole place their toilet. Fantasic, just what I wanted to deal with.... I mean how many times am I going to have to clean her house out? I'll tell ya what this better be the last time!

She didn't call us, nope she called her church, and thank God she did because I just don't know what I would have done. I mean it would have been taken care of but how? Ugh! I shutter at the thought. The church called me three days into their cleaning frenzy, and barely a dent was made. Words can't even describe the disgusting conditions. How could any human chose to live in that? It baffles me.

So now my sister and I are taking over everything for our mother. We took over her finances and are trying to dig our way out of the credit card, QVC, donate to any charity that calls mess that she has created. We found her a new home because living in my daughters room was not going to work for long! And we are dealing with what to do with the trailer and it's belongings, what goes where, making a new system so she never goes back to living anywhere close to how she was, all the little details that add up to so much work.

Sometimes I sit back and am baffled by all the things I manage to do at the same time but most times I feel as though there was so much more I could have done but didn't. Even with all the craziness my short summer has seen I still think there is more I could have done so far. ( like blogging, why wasn't I blogging?) That is what you get for being an efficient person I guess.

I hope the rest of my summer is just as busy but in a better way! I want to sell our house quick and move before school starts even though we are staying in the same district.  I want to do more fun activities with the kids. The sun allergy makes the free stuff like park trips hard but we can find something. Getting my mom's life in order is something I can't wait for as well. I want the garbage dump trailer to be gone and behind us, I want all the money stuff in order, and the day to day life for her planned out with all the things she needs to have a successful life set up.

I have been successful in one summer goal- my house is organized- it is beautiful- show room status at all times! I LOVE it and the new house will definitely be put together the same way. Day to day life is much less stressful when there is less clutter. I still have to work on getting the kids to do more but one step at a time right? But you know me, I like to do 4 steps at a time.....

Please Keep the Linens off the Floor!

Have you ever solved a problem you've had for a long time and then thought to yourself, wow I must be an idiot- why didn't that solution occur to me years ago??? Obviously I have, and just did.

Two problems actually, have recently been solved in our home. The solution- oh so simple- not an Oprah "Ah-ha" moment but more like an "Oh duh!" moment.

I'd like to blog and say oh I am a genius- sadly, I don't think I can this time...but who knows, maybe you have one of these problems and have not yet solved it? I can hope right?

Problem # 1- Sheets on the floor or shoved down under the comforter on the boys beds. Do they use the sheet? Nope. So why do I keep putting it on? Solution- no more sheet on their beds- and I mean the top sheet, the one that wraps around there mattress can stay.

Problem #2- Hand towels on the floor. Who wants to pick a towel up off the floor next to the toilet to dry your hands off? I don't! Same thing in the kitchen- ok well not the same, there is no toilet in my kitchen! But the towel that should be hanging on the oven door was always on the floor. Solution- clothes pins! One clothes pin on the kitchen towel and two on the bathroom towel. I figured this gem out about a month ago after replace the bathroom hand towel once or twice a day. Now I have to remember to swap the towels out on a regular basis since I didn't have a schedule for this. No towels on the floor- it is spectacular.

So did I solve a problem for you? Are you having an "Oh duh!" moment?

The Case of the Missing Side Dish

So what is a household chore you loath?

Mine is probably being responsible for food. All the shopping, storing, preparing...it is just too much pressure some times. Thank god my kids aren't overweight. When Brad's BP and cholesterol was too high ack! it was so stressful to me. I would worry that my choices were killing him. There are just too many labels to read and every single one tells you " buy me, buy me! I'm good for you!" But they are all liars! What is the best for you at the best price and will your family actually eat it, these are the quandaries of the grocery store. Plus try to read all these labels with three kids clambering at you incessantly. Oh, I hate grocery shopping.

After buying it well then I have to figure out just where is the most efficient storage area. It can't be too far back because no one will see it to eat it, you have to rotate the older items to the front, look at expiration dates....annoying, annoying!

Then comes preparation followed by clean up. I'd eat more fruit and vegetables if someone cut them for me (and yes I know they do sell pre-cut fruits and veggies but haven't we established I am too cheap for that? I'd rather complain!) Deciding what is for dinner equals frustration; picking a healthy mix of foods that go well together, decide if the kids are going to whine about this (which is a given, Wyatt will complain about any and everything), deciding just how much whining I want to put up with.... then all the cutting, measuring, cooking, dirtying of pots, pans, bowls, utensils, plates, the counters, the table....I could make this sentence run on and on but for my English major friends I'll stop...maybe...ok, I will....

When is someone going to cook for me? You know food always tastes better when it is prepared FOR you not BY you! My mom never really cooked for me. I grew up on Mac and cheese (big shocker I know), spaghetti (just noodles no sauce), hot pockets, and fruit roll-ups all prepared by me. I did have a babysitter that made me lunch every day in the summer, yum (thanks Brenda)! I ate her out of house and home. But the point, Brad doesn't cook. I can understand on weekdays I am home, it is my "job" but weekends, well there could be another chef in my house. I tried before to have Brad responsible for a weekend meal- we'd end up going out instead, not that I mind that but I don't get to pick "lets go out" every time I don't want to cook!

And here is a great example of that very thing....

I didn't want to cook tonight, I never want to, but today I really didn't. There isn't much in the house anyways becasue guess what- I haven't went grocery shopping either! So I call Brad and offer up Chinese to him- we have a gift card so we won't be spending any extra money, sounds perfect (as are all my plans). That boy said "I was really hoping you'd cook something yummy today..." Grrrr.... He must have had Chinese for lunch- that punk. Not only does he get a home cooked meal every night but he gets to go out for lunch every single day too. Turns out he didn't have Chinese but that is neither here nor there (what the heck does that even mean? ).

Anyways, I decided on chicken in the oven ( easy!) and a box of Tuna Helper as the side dish- sans the tuna. The chicken is cooking so I put the T.H. on the counter and went downstairs (to complain on FB about having to cook dinner of course). When I came back up the box had disappeared and in its place is Lucy's notebook. Will Lucy fess up to taking the box? Nope! I searched my entire house for a good 10 mins looking for that box. I didn't have anything else to use as a side dish and didn't think Brad would buy the " I lost 1/2 our dinner" excuse. I'm seriously thinking this must be a sign from God that I should not cook tonight. But alas, I found it.... in my tupperware cupboard shoved in a bowl. Obviously the work of a three year old.

Then as I start it cooking FB distracts me again so I burned some of it....now because I don't like to cook doesn't mean I don't know how. Usually my food is spectacular (no bias here). So great just great- not only have I had to cook and now eat this meal I don't want- well now it is burnt. Brad wasn't home for about 15 mins after I finished dinner. I kept holding out on eating becasue I had this hope he was going to walk in with a yummy dinner to surprise me, but frankly I should know better then that by now- he doesn't plan well enough for that to happen. (Jess you read my blogs right? Carrie? anyone from RMI??? Give this boy some pointers- nice thing to bring your wife after work. I mean he works with a ton of women) Ah well, I gave up and ate my dinner. It wasn't horrible.

Then Brad comes home (take out free) and says " so where are we going?" WHAT!!!!!???? I could have not made dinner? I told him after all the hassle that dinner was he better eat a big ol' plate and tell me just how great every single bite was! He was smart and he complied.

But now who is going to wash these dishes?

It's a Bird, It's a Plane....

I feel  like I've almost hit my stride as a wife, mom, woman... things just seem to be going so well. My house is under control most of the time ( we are purposely leaving out the basement and garage here), the kids are pretty well behaved, Brad and I- well not to brag (which always means "hey I want to brag") but we've always been a perfect match.

Things just seem easier these days. Maybe it is part of my Simple Life goal working its self out? Maybe it is that the kids are getting older. This is the first 3 year cycle we haven't had a new baby since we met (yep, when we met I already had a baby). And by age three all those annoying baby things are long gone- no diapers, bottles, baby food, all that darn baby equipment; and bonus- you can somewhat reason with a 3 yr old... all in all just so much easier. Why didn't we stop sooner- oh right I wanted a girl....frankly, that was a grand decision and worth the extra 3 years of the baby/toddler stage. She will definitely prove her worth (I say this like she hasn't already, wink, wink)- that child cleans up after herself (most of the time), tells the boys what to do. She just takes control- oh it will be so nice when I am not the only one who walks into a room and sees the mess (boys seem to have a blindness to things that need to be done). So the real question isn't why didn't we stop but why didn't we have a girl sooner!?

Anyways, no matter what it is I just feel like I am almost the mom, wife, woman I want to be. My interests have been changing, everything seems easier, I really do feel like I am living up to the me my kids view me as (if that makes sense to you).