Stevens Party, Your table is now ready...

March 11th- surgery day. We had to be in Ann Arbor at 6:45am for his 8:30 surgery. Brad drove there. Tim (the Father-in-Law) and myself were in the Jeep. At 5:20am our journey began.

I had originally planned to blog while Brad was in surgery to help pass that time but found that too hard emotionally.

At check in we were given a pager, kinda restaurant style looking. It lit up, vibrated, and words came up on a little screen. It worked anywhere in the hospital so we could go eat lunch with out missing any updates.

Shortly after checking our pager went off, our "table" was ready.... the operating table that is!  They called Brad and one family member back- me! They made him put his cute lil gown on, open in the back of course- woo hoo! lol  Oh and the hat, ya know the one to keep his hair out of the way... I think their logic is flawed!

The nurse was in asking the same questions over and over followed by the anesthesiologist, one of the surgeons, and yet another nurse. And yep all the same questions over and over. I know safety etc... but you must admit it gets old.

While the anesthesiologist was in the room the nurse was trying to get Brad's IV in. Apparently he has "tough skin" so the anesthesiologist had to step in and get it. I, none too fond of needles being poked into skin, turned my head then stupidly turned it back just to see a huge gush of blood pour out. The floor had to be cleaned, scrubs had to be changed...just a very pleasant view. Brad told the nurse that she softened the skin up for the anesthesiologist.

The surgeon came in and kinda explained the steps in which things would happen. Brad would be given a seditave, wheeled back, knocked out, and then they would start putting "ghetto braces" (his words not mine) on him. This consists of wires wrapped around each tooth with lil hooks for the wires or bands to be hooked on to keep Brad's jaws together for the 6 weeks needed for healing. He told us this part usually takes a long time, it is easy to do just tedious. After that was done the 1st incision will be made and all the jaw sawing, screwing, etc... will begin.

The whole time we are in pre-op Brad and I are both trying to hold back tears of fear and think positive. Listening to the barrage of what could go wrong and signing those last consent papers was scary. We went in knowing the risks but when they are laid out for you all over again minutes before you or your loved on is about to take them, just plain scary, no way around it. I wonder how many people jump ship in pre-op?

Well there was one risk I guess I was blissfully unaware of- the chance that his airway could swell too much and he would have to stay sedated over night until the swelling went down enough he could breath on his own. Um, yep not a fan of that choice!

Before we knew it, it was 8:30am,  time to say goodbye for now and watch him get wheeled away. I was scared and hoping he got to see us that night, not the next day. Please don't swell airway, pretty please!

I had my pager in hand just waiting for the updates. I was told I would get them every two hours starting when they made the first incision.

The last nurse informed me that the 5 hour surgery time given doesn't really start until the first incision. I'm glad she told me this or I would have really been panicking later on....

5am...yep AM!

The time is set 8:30am tomorrow morning. We get to be there at 6:45. Yep, I have to vacate my bed and be in a car by a little after 5 am. Ugh! Did I mention I usually go to bed about 2 am.

Tonight's "last meal" is Saganos- Japanese Steak House Brad loves. The kids will be shipped off after dinner and I am certain real fear will set in.

Tomorrow the FIL is coming with. I am glad I won't be alone at the hospital the entire day.

I've spent the day packing for everyone and getting our bedroom all beautimous! No clothes piles, dust bunnies, or Lucy's morning bowl collections. I packed up the C-PAP machine (for some reason the hospital wants it to come along?) wow Brad's nightstand looks so much better w/o it! So glad that this is hopefully the last night he has to wear it!

I am calling about the Brad-sitting job...

Dear Stress,

You are not my friend. I do not like you. Go away!

I'm stressing out. I'm being strong yet wanting to cry. I am a planner. I plan things. I know how things will go way to far in advance for the normal person. So what does my next week look like. Well hmm... Wed we get to call and then wait for someone else to call us back and set a time for surgery the next day. So that leaves Thursday with no known starting time-  I do know that is a long day of hospital sitting possibly alone, possibly with my Father in Law. If the FIL goes is he riding with us or meeting me there? Should Brad and I stay Wed night in Ann Arbor. How about Thursday night, should I stay there?

Then Friday, obviously still hospital but do I drive up, how long do I stay. Saturday same thing only on this day I know my in laws can't keep the kids. Maybe I should just get a hotel for the weekend for the kids and I, and drag my mom along to watch the kids while I go to the hospital? But can she keep 3 kids under control in a hotel room? And how much would that run? And is Brad even going to want me up there? Will the kids be allowed to visit? Do we want them to?  I know Brad says now he wants to seem them, but how will he feel after? Will that just be too scary? What really is he going to look like?

Sunday, this could be discharge day- it is day 3. Mon- Fri the next week- same thing is Brad still in the hospital is he at home? When he is at home is he bad enough that I feel like he needs constant supervision to make sure he is breathing, nothing is going wrong. I mean the man won't be able to yell- hello mouth wired shut! And his whole head is supposed to be swollen.

How long am I going to feel as though I need a Brad-sitter? A ton of my friends have offered up help but how much is too much and does someone really want to come over just to sit with Brad while I run to the grocery store. What about quick trips to pick up/drop off the kids at the activities.

Oh and before we even get to the home care area first we have to go through surgery- a 5 hour, bone cutting, drilling, pretty freaking invasive surgery. And ICU- it is not the least bit comforting to know that he goes directly from surgery to the ICU.

I can tell the stress is wearing on both of us. I'm keeping my fear in and reassuring him. And he is pretty scared and trying to keep it somewhat under wraps as well I think. So what happens- oh we argue, about stupid things.

I just want to know, I want to know exactly how everything will go. I want to know that everything will be okay. That this is but a teeny speed bump and we will hardly even notice the disruption to our smooth path together.

He just gets to lay there and recover....

I finally made it to one of Brad's appointments, the previously mentioned Pre-op. I was feeling very out of the loop, only hearing what to expect as second hand from Brad. And face it men, you just do not relay information very well.

I am the one in charge of all the after-care, I mean come on, Brad has the easy job. He just gets to lay there and recover! hehehe.... But no, I don't want to switch places with him!

Anyways, I was feeling very apprehensive about what to expect. How long will he be in the hospital, how do I feed him, how does he take the meds he usually takes every day, all that kind of stuff.... Unfortunately, this pre-op appt didn't really answer my questions. Note to all partners out there- go to the INITIAL appt, the one before they are actually approved for surgery! (At least in Brad's case that was the informative one.)

So some lil tid bits I do know. We do not find out what time his surgery is until the night before. This is not very convenient when you have a long drive! I am going to look into hotels right now because I think I'll either want to stay with Brad the night before or on my own the night of if it runs late.

Surgery will take about 5 hours. I get to spend these 5 hours alone in Ann Arbor- fun. This is when I wish all of my friends didn't have kids. After surgery he will be admitted into the ICU. I don't get to go see him until he is all set in his room. I'm not sure if ICU visitor hours come into effect here or not but no way am I leaving w/o seeing him! The idea of him having to go directly to ICU after surgery freaks me out, really highlights just how major this surgery is.

During the following days they will monitor his breathing etc... to decide a discharge date. Normal hospital stay is 3-5 days. I will be informed during his discharge on all the proper post-op care, how and what to feed him, when he is allowed to do certain activities again, how to medicate him, when to call the Dr.... I was hoping my Father in Law could go with me to pick him up just for driving reasons but now I am thinking I want my Mother in Law to come so she can know all this stuff too and help me out when needed.

So here we are 5 days away....

Park where?

So one of us has to be the "everything will be okay" person. I get that job...yay? So as far as surgery goes. I'm being positive, no worries. Assuring Brad all will be okay.

But my anxiety needs to be directed somewhere, I can't make it just go away even though I would like it to. So my brain has decided to focus on the drive/being alone getting home and back. I am in charge of driving myself to Ann Arbor and home and back and home, for up to 5 days. Plus getting Brad home when he is finally released. Me thinks the in-laws need to go with me to pick him up! I don't like driving places where I have no idea of where I am. Yes, google maps street view or perhaps a Tom Tom...

I'm telling you I don't even know where Ann Arbor is! So hold your hand up to shape our great mitten and ummm...yep no clue...I do know it isn't directly East or anywhere North so I guess I kinda have an idea...but  West and South is still a big area!

So today I went with Brad to his pre-op appt partially in hopes of feeling better about the drive. Well of course this appt is not held at the hospital, not on it's massive main campus- nope that might be too convenient.

After the pre-op Brad had me drive to the hospital. He showed me the parking ramp. Then he had me drive back out towards the e-way. Ok so today I know but next week will I? And then once I walk into the hospital, will I find my way back out?

And why in the world have I chosen this to be my main fear- good Lord my husband is having a 5 hour surgery and I'm concerned about how to get back home!

BTW, I do now know that Ann Arbor is straight down 23! Go me! Should I pass it... um yeah, I don't know where I'd end up...Detroit perhaps?

Don't worry Brad you are in safe hands, I'll get you home.....eventually!

The Partners Point of View

1,2,3,4........28,29,30.... kick ....gasp for air, snore....silence...bed shake, bed shake, chest caving in, kick, gasp, loud snore....repeat over and over....

This is how I spend my time "sleeping." I have sleep apnea... but not the kind that would show up if I was tested... My poor sweet Brad is the real sufferer.

Being the person that shares a bed with sleep apnea sufferer (SAS) is no walk in the park. The snoring is unbelievable. I think you could hear him outside in the backyard. I'm amazed the neighbors don't complain! Brad has another great attribute to his SA. His chest caves in while he is trying to breath, this caving makes the bed shake... so every few seconds bed shake, snore, bed shake, snore...my own personal vibrating bed I guess!

Brad falls asleep almost instantaneously. So putting his C-PAP machine on- not happening. He hates that thing, and who wouldn't- do you want to sleep with a mask on? Sounds so comfy! So here beings another nighttime ritual. Shake, shake, shake.. "Brad wake up, put your mask on." grumble grumble, roll over, back to sleep- repeat far too many times until he is finally awake enough or willing to put that darn thing on- some days I just say forget about it and either vacate to the couch or somehow fall asleep amongst the noise. (There are the amazing days when I come to bed and he is already asleep, mask in place!)

The mask- lets talk about sleeping with someone wearing a C-PAP mask.... do you know that thing not only blows air in but out as well... so who do you think that air hits- oh me...falling asleep while cool air is continuously blowing in your face, just fantastic.

And the hissing- it is just white noise, oh whatever...CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

Then there is the humming- the my mask is on my face but something isn't sealed right so it is just going to hum and hum loudly hum! And can I fix this hum- oh no. The second I touch that mask guess who is rolling over. And will he wake up to fix it himself- another big NOPE!

So you would think well at least the humming, hissing, or blowing air is better then the snoring and bed shaking... oh that stuff still doesn't go away... sometimes yes it does, or at least it lessens it... but most of the time it is still there.

I've often thought to myself, we are going to be that old couple that has their own rooms. The idea of that breaks my heart. And sometimes I fear we will never get to be that old couple because of the health risks that come along with severe sleep apnea.

So the search for a better solution was on.... Dental appliance, oh the run around, who, where, what INS covers it. Just a useless waste of time. Then the ENT, maybe tonsils taken out. More sleep studies, pressure and masks changed out, rejection from ENT....google searches... an idea- MMA- Maxillomandibular Advancement.

The short of MMA- break your top and bottom jaw bones, move them forward, wire your mouth shut for 6 weeks, long slow recovery but tada- a bigger airway, the ability to breath, and bye bye sleep apnea!

SOLD!

Oh what, I'm not the one that has to go through the pain so I can't choose? But I still choose SOLD! Can I pull out the "I have been pregnant for 27 months and delivered 3 babies" card? You can handle this pain!

Really Brad was kinda sold off the bat too... obviously we did a lot of research and knew going into this all the risks, pain, and time involved. But the improvement on his quality of life just seems to out weigh the cons.

It took a lot of time and Dr appts to get to where we are now- and where is that you may ask- oh it is 9 days away from surgery. There are not any local Drs who perform this procedure. And to be approved you have to go through a round of tests. I think from his 1st appt until surgery on the 11th he will have had 7 appointments. All of them being rather long.

So here we are in the pre-op home stretch.

I see an end to sleep apnea in sight.... I know this is going to be a long recovery and a ton of work and pain but I am hopeful. I am hopeful for Brad to have a life outside of masks, medications, dragging himself out of bed dead tired, and sleepwalking through his life.

So here is my MMA survival journal...the partners point of view...

to be continued......

The Glue

We have our family New Years tradition, family game night. I love it but most importantly the kids love it.

Games all night, snack foods. We all decide on dinner together (this year was toasted subs and bagel pizza) and a sweet treat (ice cream). Last year we started taking the kids to The Popcorn Wagon to pick out a treat... we bought it but forgot to get it out this year, oops!

2010, was brought in with  Fishing, Clue Jr., Guess Who, Sorry Sliders, and Super Mario Bros for Wii! We lucked out earlier in the day scoring 2 more Wii-motes so all 4 of us got to play at once. Wow I can not believe Lucy slept through that noise- so much laughing and loudness!

At midnight we had our "fancy drink" then back to finishing out level on Wii. That took us over an hour!

Another new add-on started this year. The boys camped out in our bedroom. This was pretty exciting for them because Linus sleeps in our room and they are always trying to get him to sleep in their room so finally they got to sleep with him.

Everyone's favorite part of the day was just spending it together. Hopefully next year Lucy will be old enough to stay up with us.  I told the boys how much I hoped that family and this time would always be important to them. Right now they can't fathom the idea of wanting to go to their friends house more then hang out with us... but I know one day it could happen. This is what I will be sad for, I am excited to see them grow but hope that we are teaching them not to grow so far away from us.

I don't really have close family so I hope I am breaking that. I want Brad and I to be the start for a great, happy, close-knit family. I believe that nights like last are a big part of the glue that will always keep us together.