Translation, It Is Super Gross In There

Six more weeks...we have SIX more weeks...

Brad had his second post op appt today. This one was with the big wig, the head of the department,and the one who actually preformed his surgery, Dr. Helman. Since I have a history of renaming Drs, I'm guessing you can figure his out. Yep, he is Dr. Mayo.

Dr. Mayo sent a resident in first to ask how things were going. I tried my normal "throw Brad under the bus" tactics because I really wanted him to know just how much time Brad is spending in bed and see what he'd say, where people should be at this point, which is 6 weeks post-op. He laughed it off, like I was just some wife who wanted her husband to do more. Seriously, no one is going to tell him to get up more. I really must come to a true peace on this topic. Maybe I will, but I'm guessing not, it is hard. I think I am doing better at keeping it to myself at this point. I get to blog it here and I make jokes every now and then but I like to think I am keeping the nag under control!

The resident, hmm...I have no name for him...anyways, he looked Brad over and said everything was looking well. He did mention that Brad needed to rinse with warm salt water 7-8 times a day still, he hasn't been at all, just a Rx mouthwash. So I looked at Brad and said, "translation, it is super gross in there!"

Next they took Brad for X-Rays so I snatched up his comfy chair and pulled out the laptop to entertain myself with U of M's WiFi. When Brad came back that guy actually kicked me out of his chair. And I was having this weird back pain, I had been mentioning it since right before we left the house. I couldn't even guilt him into letting me have the chair. Man oh man, he is milking this surgery for all he can. Won't let his wife spend a few mins in a more comfortable seat, grumble, grumble, grumble....

So this is the Dr. Mayo entrance time. He came in, an older man who has been practicing in his field for 23 years. He didn't seem as though he thought he was above us, he was pretty friendly, shook my hand, looked at me as well as Brad when he spoke. He told Brad that he would need to stay banded shut another 4-6 weeks. We were originally told it was only 6 weeks. So at the last appt when they said they "might" take the bands off at this appointment we had kind of accepted that this week they would loosen his bands and in 2 weeks take them off.  So we were shocked at the thought of 6 more weeks. Dr. Mayo told us that his interns are idiots, yep that is the term he used. He said the 6 weeks is usually for the patients that do this surgery for cosmetic reasons,  man that still BLOWS my mind, the things people do in the name of vanity. Anyways, when the surgery is done to correct S.A. the jaws are moved forward further so if the bands are removed too early and the bones are not healed enough then his jaw bones can be pulled back by the muscles and make his bite off. Often the teeth will turn upward. Then Brad would have to undergo another surgery. Yes, lets avoid that!

Brad is already down 30lbs in 5 weeks, I wonder how much more he will drop in the next six weeks. He could stand to lose a bit more so I'm not too worried about it but I think I need to be more involved in his eating schedule. His mom has been keeping our freezer stocked which has been an awesome life saver for me because frankly my blender has it out for me! So I just leave it to Brad to warm things up as he wants them and he isn't keeping a calorie count or eating as much as he should.

Now we have an appointment scheduled in 4 weeks. At that appointment they will decide if he gets the bands off, if he gets looser bands, or if he has to keep the same tightness of bands. If he gets them off then there is the possibility he will have to put the bands back on himself at night while he sleeps for 2 weeks. I think this option, though it seems good because he can open his mouth, would be miserable for Brad. He has wires wrapped around each tooth and the wire ends are just twisted sticking up every few teeth. There are also hooks at the top of each tooth. Right now I think the bands are creating some kind of cushioning between these irritating metal hooks and his lips/gums. So if the bands were removed his mouth would be getting kinda ripped up. The picture below isn't Brad's actual mouth but is what it kinda looks like only he has bands running up and down.

Friday is Brad's birthday, he was really hoping for a better gift, I was as well, he deserves it. As much as I joke and give him crap I really can't imagine just how miserable he has been, not only these last six weeks but the previous 8 years never getting any real rest. Hopefully the next month will be uneventful and go by quickly. Then we can start our new life together with a happier, healthier, definitely more rested Brad.

He is Not Quite Ready For Kindergarten Yet.

So April 12 has come and gone and did my darling Brad go back to work. Yes and no. Yes, he is working. No, he isn't at work.

As I predicted he was not quite ready to return to work. My sweet baby is still in the preschool stage not quite ready to be a big Kindergartner and go off on his own. I wonder when he does go if he will need to ride the short bus? He is drooling a lot and yesterday he drooled on his laptop keyboard and put it on the fritz, had to order a new. But maybe it wasn't the drool, maybe the keyboard is revolting. It has been getting a ton more use these days.

Anyways, Monday, April 12, he already knew he would be working from home. His short weekend trips to his parent's house and to sit poolside while the kids and I swam wore him out. He did manage to wake up before noon though! It was a  little after 8, three snooze hits after 8 to be exact, he got up and went to work. He had a long journey- all the way to the basement. Man, he hasn't been down here in ages compared to his normal computer time!

He actually sat at his desk working all day, instant messaging and emailing instead of phone conversations. But by 4, he was done in. I think he worked until 5 but after that it was off to bed, his face was swelling and bothering him. So there he sat the rest of the evening, not sleeping, just gaming, but reclining none the less.

So Tuesday's work day... well here is how he is working.

Yes, even after sending him back to work I STILL can't get him out of bed! I think he and the bed have formed some weird bond that nothing can break. He has even skipped a few showers so the bed's nose must be more broke then mine because wow, it should so be kicking him out.


I'm not allowed to open the blinds or turn the bedroom light on either though. He is comfy in his dark cave. Apparently he doesn't realize that hibernation time is over- it is spring this is when the bears leave the cave! Nope, this is his winter I suppose...how many months to bears hibernate because I don't know how much longer I can take it! Yes, it is all about ME!

I love my husband but him being here is really messing with my normal schedule. Lucy and I lay in bed all morning, it is our thing but now he is there working. Granted today it was nice because I slept while he answered all of Lucy's never ending questions but I have a feeling cranky work Brad will start kicking in earlier and earlier until he kicks me out of bed as soon as Lucy is up and in our room.

Also, with him using the wireless connection to work from bed, well I can't use the phone. I need to talk to an adult during the day. It keeps me sane! But our phones and internet interfere with each other so if I am on the phone he can't connect into work.

And the cranky work Brad I mentioned... oh yeah, don't try to ask him a question- sorry no, he can't be bothered, not for one little second.  The phone rang yesterday FOR HIM! I took it to him and get complains to me because he lost his internet connection when I brought him HIS call!

He says his pain is gone so I don't know what it is, I can't fathom what would keep someone in bed for so long if it doesn't hurt. He says he is uncomfortable. Well, I've been there, for 27 months I was uncomfortable but I didn't lock myself in a dark room.

I want to see an improvement in this week but if he doesn't get up and do somethign I doubt there will be... I think he is stuck in a funk and I have no idea how to pull him out.... this is one time I wish I wasn't right and he was actually in the office, living life again.

The Stranger in My Bed

Do you hear that? Neither do I!

There is a strange silence in my house these days, er I mean nights. Sleeping with Brad is a whole new experience.  From our very first night together sometime in March of 2002 until March 11, 2010 it was nearly the same, well gradually getting worse as the years went by. Him fighting to breath while he slept and me fighting to sleep through the noise.

Now all I hear is breathing, I can't tell if it is the dog or Brad unless I pick my head up off the pillow. And for the record it is both, they both exhale nearly the exact same way, I'll keep some comments to myself (this one time) about other similarities!

Usually when it was that quiet it meant Brad wasn't breathing and I got, I mean had to hit him. The silence of before was always quickly followed by a loud snore gasping for air, and a chest caving bed shake and a sinking in my heart of what this health problem held in store for our future together, one I want to be long.

Once my eyes are accustom to the darkness and I can see Brad's profile, there is another shock. His face is different. It is not the same profile I once shared a bed with. Great, now I'm a cheater. I have found a quieter similarly looking Brad replacement. Maybe this new face will send us back to those first magical times when you first meet and everything is new and exciting.

Actually, I am kinda hopeful it will. I mean I really am getting a whole new person here. Think back to say when you had your first child. Just how sleep deprived you were. How you slacked on everything, napped when you could, how you could not have cared less when you left the house looking like a homeless person. Well in a way that is how Brad has been for most of his adult life. Dragging himself through just waiting for the next time he could TRY to sleep. Our typical day consisted of him struggling to wake up and get out the door for work. Him working but being so tired. Home for dinner then he'd collapse on the couch and sleep a couple of hours. He'd wake up when the kids were already in bed. Then we'd watch some TV or mess around online until it was back to bed. A family outing- not really happening without some pushing. He had become a couch potato, and who wouldn't?

Plus, his sleep apnea caused other health problems, he needed to lose weight, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. We aren't sure what his cholesterol is like but he has already lost a ton of weight, his blood pressure is under control, and he hasn't been taking his medication for that either.

So yes, I am hopeful that I am now with a new man. One that sleeps at night and wakes up refreshed. One that is only as tired as the rest of us! Oh the projects around the house Brad has waiting for him! And no more homebody, can't go anywhere Brad. Nope, we are doing stuff!

This getting to sleep next to a quiet person is still very odd. Some nights I cry because I am just so happy for him, for us. Other times I have to check and see if he is dead because I just can not believe the difference. The one thing I'll miss...now I don't get, er I mean have to hit him....lol.... I love you Bradley!

Baby Steps

Well step by step Brad is making improvements. Definitely baby steps not the normal giant person Brad steps.

At the 3 week mark, to the day Brad finally drank out of a cup vs syringe and tube. This was HUGE for me, and him too I guess! One for the baby book indeed! I had been asking him to try the big boy cup every couple of days but Brad kept assuring me he couldn't do it. Maybe it was more like why bother, you feeding me my every meal is quite nice. Babies don't like to have their bottles taken away ya know.

When he did drink it was kind of "forced" on him. A work friend came over and was chatting but Brad was hungry. He just didn't want to do the syringe feeding with her there so he grabbed the cup and took a drink! Woo Hoo! He has to hold his lip a little since he still doesn't have feeling in it but hey it works! It has made eating a lot less of a hassle for both of us. I know he was very  happy with this discovery.

The dietitian at the hospital told us Brad should be able to drink from a cup around the one week mark, so he went an extra two in true Brad form! She also said a small rim cup would work best. I tried to tell Brad this but he insisted at first that no cup would work then later that the cup he originally drank from (an adult normal rimmed one) was just fine. Then  I brought him a Gatorade bottle to drink- he commented on how much easier it was to drink out of that- imagine that a small rimmed cup is easier, who would have thunk it! Why oh why does he continue to doubt me and my awesome always rightness?! Once he began drinking from a cup my life got a little easier!

At 3 weeks and 5 days I finally drug him out of the house for something other then a Dr appt. We took the kids to see a movie. He was trying to get out of it- Oh my stomach hurts, I just don't know if I can, my ear hurts.... It took a little guilt tripping (my specialty!) with some huffing and puffing added in but I got him out FINALLY! Seriously like sitting in a chair at the movie theater is that much more work then sitting in your bed or on our couch!

When he was getting dressed to go we discovered his pants no longer fit! Bye Bye 38in waist hello 32! Well I don't actually know what his waist is but I'd guess smaller then 36. Yay Brad! You are now not the same length around as you are high (leg length that is!)

At the 4 week mark he finally started getting out of bed on a regular basis and somewhat participating with the living world again (other then the online living world). His face is swelling a bit but that is still expected. The day of the movie his ears were bothering him amplifying every sound inside his body but that went away later that night.

He tucked the kids in for the first time in a month. Has let the dog out. Brad now warms his own food up too (but still doesn't take care of his dishes, something just will never change).

He has been medicating himself since about the 3 week mark as well. He is still taking the occasional Motrin for swelling and pain. He has Tylenol with codeine now instead of the Oxy, a medicated mouthwash to fight off bacteria, and another Rx mouthwash (called Magic Mouthwash) to help numb the sores on his tongue from the wires in his mouth. I no longer have to set a timer and remind him when he needs his next dose.

Monday he is supposed to return to work. I still don't see that happening. Today I had him go to SAMS Club with me. That wore him out and only took maybe 2 hours (the kids ate pizza there then we stopped on the way home for ice cream). Plus he sat in the car while the kids and I had ice cream.

I think Monday he will work, from home, not in the office. Talking is still bothering him as well. He has worked a little from home in the last couple of days but anytime someone needs to talk with him they have been IMing or emailing.

Oh and seeing him up before noon- that will be a shock to his system as well! Sorry Brad with no more sleep apnea you have no excuse for having to sleep until 2pm (unless I get to sleep until noon too, then it is totally acceptable!) He keeps saying he has insomnia- nope you have yousleptalldayfcourseyoucan'tsleepatnight-ia!

I still don't have the end of this in sight but at least it is getting easier. My newborn has made it through those years, perhaps even through the toddler years, I'd  say we are at Preschool level now! Oh no! I just thought...what do the teen years have in store for me?!

Look Monkey Push Button, Good Monkey!

Brad's HR lady sent his FMLA papers back saying she needed a retun to work date from the Drs. So when we were at his appt. I asked Dr. Ghetto Braces (yep that is the name I am giving him)  if he could write a note or something. So he takes the paper and writes 6 weeks on it. I ask him to at least sign it- oh I get a loopy X on it. Seriously, I could have forged that. How can I give this to her and call it good?

Before he wrote six weeks he asked Brad what he does. Brad gave the normal "I work with computers" answer. Which yes, he "works with computers" but it is a bit more then he makes it sound. I guess I just "hang around the house" for my job with that logic.
Dr. Ghetto Braces says " You can't work on computers like this? You need 6 weeks not just 4?" So I have to say he doesn't just "work on computers" he is the network admin, it is a tad more then just sitting at his desk pushing some buttons. Seriously the tone Dr. Braces had was like Brad had George Jetson's job- go in and push the red button, job done! Not to mention I just told him the man hasn't got out of bed for the past 2 1/2 weeks does he think Brad is recovering ahead of schedule?

Brad's original plan was to take 4 weeks off. So now I have to call the HR lady. I asked Brad when he was going back towork. His answer-at the four week mark. Now trust me I want him to go back to work. Not because I want him gone but becasue I want him to feel good enough to go. Well, one less gigantic kid in the house is a plus too! BUT, seriously in one week you are going to miraculiously go from unable to get out of bed other then to walk to the bathroom to working an 8 hour day? If it was myself, or maybe any woman on the planet I'd belive it no problem, but sorry honey not you. I would love for you to prove me wrong on this one, remember one day it will actually happen for you, maybe this is your day!?

Well, I called the HR lady and told her he'd be back tenitively April 12. His 4 week mark falls on a Thursday so I gave him over that weekend for a few extra days.

Here is why I just don't see the 4 week mark happening. I'm oviously not writing these blogs on the days the events happened but today is 3 weeks and 3 days post op. Brad has hit a set back it seems. The ear pain and this new sore on his tongue are knocking him back and he wasn't up very far to begin with. The tongue is especailly problematic. We can't see his tongue at all. No way to see what is going on or apply anything directly to it. Stupid me didn't put it together that if there are wires wrapped around the front of his teeth that means they are around the back too. I'm going to blame it on sleep deprivation I am not that slow I sware! Anyways, apparently the wires have irritated his tongue.

I guess there is a plus side, he can't talk, it hurts too bad. So now would be the perfect time to drive him somewhere huh? No comments! No, really I miss talking with Brad. Talking to him isn't the same as talking with him. Though he (and anyone who knows me) would probably argue that it isn't much different, I don't let others get a word in too often anyways. But not being able to talk at work, don't know how that will be possible. I guess that is a plus too, having an excuse to not chat with all those annoying people (Hey Brad's fellow collegues, how ya doing? Of course YOU aren't the people I am talking about. lol). I guess he can just IM or email.

Really I do see Brad possibly going back to work on April 12, but from home not in the office. And not downstairs at his desk but in bed on the laptop. I don't know, I guess in a week we will see! Oh and that loopy X signature, yep not cutting it. Tomorrow I get to call U of M and try to get a return to work paper faxed, man I hope that is easier then getting a Rx filled, probably not... so maybe he won't be allowed back anyways!

Oh look you got your big boys pants on all by yourself!

18 days after Brad's surgery we finally had his first post-op appt.

We had the normally hurry up and wait experience. I made sure to pack Brad's "diaper bag." When you have a baby you can't leave the house without one! I packed his meds, some baby food, juice, carnation packets, his syringe and tube, and chap stick. What did I forget- oh just the special cutters they gave us to cut Brad's bands should he have an airway emergency, ya know the ones they told us to keep on hand at all times. So nothing important at all...

This was Brad's first outing. Seeing him in clothes was shocking, I had forgotten what he looked like with pants on and not laying in bed! This was his first real significant movement of any kind. I was not sure how it would go. He has been complaining a lot about temperature regulation issues, getting very tired and sore after just very small movements.

I was not excited for the drive there or back. I drugged him right before we left. Whenever Brad, or anyone really, is in the car with me and I am driving I feel so judged, like my every move is critiqued. Brad is really the worst one, I usually just let him drive (and then critique his driving!) So this feeling is amplified because I know he is in pain. Now every bump I hit, every car that pulls in front of me and makes me break, just everything is messing with my nerves. Seriously not even 10 mins into the drive we are yelling at each other (well the best Brad can yell)- and we don't yell, we very rarely fight about anything but I went to switch lanes a car was in my blind spot, I guess I jerked the jeep a lil, I scared Brad, he asked what I was doing, I took the defensive route and got all huffy, he got huffy back... ya know just a great start to our drive!

Luckily Brad didn't feel like talking so no more comments were made and the rest of our drive was uneventful, well uneventful in the car I can't even tell you the amount of idiots that cut me off and made me shut my cruise off- grrrr...

But this post isn't about the drive, it is about the appointment so maybe I should get to that....

I dropped Brad off at the front door, then parked and met him in the lobby. He was thinking he didn't have enough energy to walk from the parking ramp in. We made it to the Oral Surgery Office and checked in. Rather quickly we were taken back to a room. Brad got the pimp dental chair to sit in. It reclined so he was all set. He was just done drooling on himself by now- the walk in, the waiting room time- all drool time for Brad.

The procedure room really should be called the waiting room because this is where we did all the waiting! Finally about an hour after our scheduled appt time a Dr came in, well a resident I guess, I don't know the difference. He was one I remembered from surgery day. I like him, he was the "ghetto braces" coiner. He asked how things were going, gave Brad a quick look over, then left. Next Dr.Tucan came in- that isn't his name but that is what I am going with because his name sounds like that and I think it is a better name anyways, makes one think of yummy colorful fruit loops not jaw sawing pain! So anyways, Dr. Tucan asked the same questions. And guess what?! Our answers were the same! Brad had a list of questions/concerns so we made sure to go over those.

Chin pain - it is normal and a good sign that nerves are regenerating
Ear Pain- again normal, have fun dealing with that
Bands- apparently I have been doing a good job replacing them. In 4 weeks he comes back they will either leave those bands on or switch him to looser ones but they are not coming off. Wow, that is a lil shocker, we thought 6 weeks and bands were off!
Sleeping- Brad wanted to stop sleeping on a wedge and wondered if sleeping on his face was ok. The Dr said yes he could lay flat once again and sleeping on the side of his face was fine.

I mentioned that Brad wasn't really getting out of bed hoping they would tell him to get his bootie UP! They kinda told him he should get up and get moving but guess what they are men- and I think you men have a lil code- a lets all pretend like we are dying when we are even just a little sick or hurt because if we all do it maybe those women folk will just believe that really sickness/pain is just harder on our gender code.@@ you annoying baby men!

I also had to complain just a little at the end of the appt, I was very nice about it but U of M has been stressing me out. So I nicely told the Dr that maybe he wasn't aware but when they discharge patients on a Sunday they may want to make sure they fill their Rx at the hospital pharmacy and tell the patients that not every pharmacy carries Oxycodone. He kinda listened to me but doubtful it will sink in.

So the Summery is that everything looks great. Swelling will take a few more weeks to go completely down. The numbness can last a few more months to possibly forever but usually by about 6 months feeling in face returns. We go back in 4 more weeks to see how everything is healing and to possibly get looser bands.

We got a few more syringes and bands then went on our way. Brad actually walked all the way out to the Jeep in the ramp. Then he slept on the way home. Out of his jeans and back to bed once we were home... I've forgotten what my husband looks like dressed... Once he does get up and get dressed I bet his clothes don't fit... I think he is about 20 lbs down by now...

Complaints and How We Deal

The complaints and how we deal-

Swelling- we found that 1/2 a dose of motrin every 3 hours keeps the swelling down better then a full dose every 6. Granted drugging every 3 hours is a pain in the butt! Also, a warm rice bag applied to the face.

Drooling- Keeping in a reclined position, bringing a wash cloth or hand towel every where you go. We read about people carrying a cup to spit in, Brad hasn't wanted to do this but he spits in the sink constanatly when he is up walking around.

Pain- staggering two pain meds, heated rice bag. Keeping up on meds- not waiting until the pain comes to take it. Once you are in pain it is harder to get rid of it.

Ear Pain and Shooting Nerve Regeneration Pain- We are having a hard time finding relief of these pains. He is taking motrin and occasionally Oxycodone if it is really bad but it seems as though they are pains he just has to deal with. I try to remind him the nerve pain is a good sign that feeling will return.

Boredom- Well we have a TV in our room with streaming Netflix, cable, and an XBox 360. We also have wireless internet and a lap top!

Depression- I personally keep telling Brad how cute he is. Right off the bat I could tell he was depressed about how he looked, calling himself a monster. As the swelling has subsided I have just had cute names for him. First he was a cute fat kid, then a cute lil squirrel, now he is the joker...ok so maybe they aren't all cutesy nice but it is how our relationship works and he knows it- only true love can make fun of you!

Really depression is something I have been worried about and have been trying to keep at bay. I have tried to get him out of bed even when he doesn't want to. Every day I open the blinds. I make sure the kids don't completely ignore him. His friends and family have been over to visit. Change up his meals so he doesn't feel like he has to drink the same gross thing every day for the rest of his life (he doesn't see this no eating thing ending anytime soon so to him it is forever!)

Pain From Wires- keeping his mouth clean with the Rx rinse and salt water and Dental Wax placed on the extra bothersome wires.

Teeth Cleaning- I had to help with this in the beginning. I'd use Q-tips, toothpicks, and a child size tooth brush. Now he takes care of most of it with his mouth rinses and the small tooth brush.

Broken Band Replacement- The Hospital gave us scissor like tweezers, I use those and a Q-tip. The second utensil helps slip it around the hook easier. Brad also holds his lips up for me. This is still hard to do because it hurts to move his lips to high or low.

Eating- We moved the tube insertion point to the front of his teeth instead of the back of his mouth, this is quicker and also saves bands from breaking. The syringes the hospital provided last about 2 days after being rinsed after every use but then the plastic expands/retracts and you just can't use them easily. Diplomat sells the 60ml syringes for $1 each. I found a cup I was thinking might be very useful ( if you can stick the tube in the front of your mouth like Brad- well you might be able to attach a tube) It is a squeeze bottle made for filling communion cups- Squeeze cup link

At week Three Brad discovered he can drink from a cup. A small rimmed cup works well. He has to hold his bottom lip up but wow eating is so much faster!

and now to my complaints....

Constant Blending- Man I hate washing that Blender! What a PITA! So I borrowed a blender from a friend so I have 2. I also spent a day blending about 20 meals worth of food. That way I could just rinse the blender in between blends. I put one serving in a zip lock then laid them flat to freeze. I also have been buying baby food. Ones and Twos do not have to be blended just mixed with juice, water, milk, gravy...and warmed.

Feeding- One of Brad's friends bought Brad a tray and a bell- both have been very handy. The tray is wonderful for carrying meals to and from the kitchen. I serve everything in cups, sometimes soup in a large bowl. The bell as annoying as it can be, is a great way to know when Brad needs something and I am not close by since he can't really yell for me.

I also pulled a shelving unit out of my garage to store all Brad's new foods on. That way they are all in one place for me to look over and find somethign for him to eat. Plus I don't have room in my cupboards for all the cans of soup and baby food. I tried to talk a few friends into rearranging my cupboards for me so all of  it could fit... couldn't sell them on it- bummer!

Drugging- I keep a notebook on a tray with his drugs. At the top is the drugs, dosage, and hours between. Then I write the times I administer it. I also have a timer on the tray so as soon as I give him the meds I reset the timer for the next dosage. During the night I load up the next dose into the syringe so it is less work in the middle of the night.

Sleeping- Oh so sleep deprived, really like I have a newborn. I just try to sleep whenever I can because there is no sleeping for longer then 3 hours in a row around here for me! I bought a new movie for the kids so I could nap on the couch while they watched it. Pulled out some old/new toys from the basement to entertain them.

The Moaning in Pain- Oh I just try to make it stop the best I can and try not to let it annoy me. Back rubs, encouraging him, and then ya know that thing that heals all men and takes their mind off of pain (wink wink).

Stress- I've had people helping me out with the kids, I've definitely needed it. I happen to have a Rx for Xanax from a heart condition I have so I've taken a few of those. Brad has still taken time to care for me when he can. Last night he rubbed my back until I fell asleep. Sometimes even when I need to sleep I go downstairs when everyone else is sleeping and just have a little alone time. My friends and church made us dinner for the first two weeks home. Not having to worry about cooking dinner or grocery shopping was spectacular! If you don't have a support system like this I recommend freezing some meals for the rest of your family. I recommend blending meals prior to surgery for your partner as well. I decided my house doesn't have to be as clean as it always is. It isn't dirty gross but it isn't as kept up as I usually like it. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And have an outlet. I know I can't complain to Brad and don't want to, I don't want him to feel any worse so my friends have been great at listening to me when I need to whine.

I Should Not Have Said Just Lay There and Recover!

The swelling, oh the swelling. Don't forget drooling, oh the drooling. These are the reasons Brad can't get up. Oh and lets add pain, oh the pain!

In the hospital the Drs told us if he was up and moving around recovery would come faster. Walking around was one of the criteria for release. The sooner he got back into a normal swing of things the sooner he'd start to feel better. So let me spell this out- you won't feel good but get up and walk around then you will feel better faster. That is what it means to you right? Well that is not what it means to Brad. He apparently took it to mean when you feel better get up. Until then just lay in bed.

So here is my problem am I the loving caring wife or the mean nurse? Walking the thin line between those two is very hard. I keep slipping from one side to another. I feel horrible for Brad. I know he is in severe pain. I know when you don't feel good you don't want to get up. But I also know that getting up and moving helps you get better faster, well as long as you aren't over doing it. Trust me Brad is not over doing it. If under doing it was a real phrase that is what I would use, look I just did!

He keeps telling me I just don't know how bad it is. But I do try to understand. I went online and read about 8 blogs from others who have undergone this surgery. All of them were up doing something by the 2 week mark. Brad just lays in bed all day. Maybe a shower. Maybe a couple hours on the couch, maybe.

You know how when you sleep too long you are still tired when you do finally get up. Well that is the vicious cycle my sweet Brad has found himself in but he can't seem to break it. Right now it feels to me like he can't even tell this is the cycle he is in.

Men and woman definitely deal with sickness/injury differently. I know I personally can barely stand to stay in bed even when I am miserable, even when I want to. All I can think about is what I need to do and am in a hurry to get back to normal life. Women vacuum with fevers, chase kids with pounding headaches, and grocery shop while nauseated. Men, well men just can't. I swear a splinter requires a nap to recover from.

So anyways, when I push Brad to get up he gets mad at me. So what is a girl to do? I was hoping the Drs at his post-op appt would tell him to GET UP! But they didn't...I should have known...they are men too!

The Cheeseburger Has It Out For Me

Today I had the bright idea to cook a bunch of meals for Brad and freeze them in zip lock bags. Sure it sounds easy...lets just say by the end of the day seriously took a Xanax. I began cooking at about 3pm I finished and had everything cleaned up by 8. I did get about 18 meals out of it.

Last week one of my friends made us lasagna. Brad said he wanted some so I blended it up and he really liked it. So Lasagna that is easy enough. I made all the parts and was about to put it all together and bake it when I thought hmmmm, I can probably skip that part. I just mixed it all together, blended adding milk to thin it out. I found the noodles were not blending well so I left those out. As I blended I strained and poured everything into a pitcher. I wanted the whole lasagna in one spot all blended so I knew it was mixed just right. Straining was a PITA but I managed. One of my friends lent me a metal strainer. Very handy. My advise- bake the lasagna. Brad said it didn't taste as lasagna-y as the baked one had- I'm thinking that made the difference, the baked cheese, the sauce soaking into the noodles....

 Next I made a pizza recipe I found online- very easy! He says it tastes just like pizza too! 1 slice of bread, 1 slices of American cheese, 1/2 cup of pizza sauce, 1/2 water, and your choice of toppings. I went with peperoni and I chopped it with my handy dandy pampered chef chopper. Then blend on liquify.

And no for my Xanax needing recipe. Cheeseburger Chowder. Here is a link to the website I found the recipe along with a few others.

The recipe isn't hard...it was the blending t hat got me.

Brown ½ pound of ground beef and ½ onion. Drain grease, move to a large pot. Add 2 quarts water, 2 packs or cubes of beef bouillon, and 2 diced potatoes. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. Add 1 can of diced tomatoes and bring to a boil again.

Using a wire whisk, mix 1 cup of flour with 3 cups of half and half milk. Mix until the flour is completely dissolved. Gradually start to pour this mixture into the beef mixture. Reduce the heat and continue to stir as the mixture boils. Add one cup of cheddar cheese and heat until melted.

You may have to scoop out the thicker parts of this chowder and blend them separate from the liquid in order to get the consistency thin enough.

On to the blending part. I couldn't pour it from the pan into my blender, that would end badly (as if my way didn't lol) so I poured it into a smaller bowl and from that bowl into the blender. Holy dirty dishes Batman!

Here is where the trouble begins. I did not fill the blender all the way up, I put the lid on, and I hit the button- SPLOOSH! I am covered in boiling hot chowder as is my entire kitchen. I think my daughter heard some choice words as my hands were burned trying to shut it off. So I clean this thick mess up and start over with much less in the blender. Hit the button OH YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME SPLOOSH!

Here is the problem, if you don't already know....when you blend hot things you have to pull that center cap out of the lid and just hold a towel over. Who knows this, I obviously did not read the instructions that came with the blender or watched enough cooking shows. I found this out after I called one of my friends needing to be talked down off the roof.

So the explosion problem is fixed, but oh the cleaning.

As I blended everything I put it into a new bowl. I found that as I was putting the chowder in the blender the meat stayed in the pan so I needed to make sure I got some blended meat in with all the previous blends.

Many dirty dishes later I put all of these meals in 2 cup servings in zip lock bags making sure to write the date and food on the outside.

The cheeseburger chowder really was trying to make me insane because as I was loading it in my freezer one of the bags dropped and of course it had to come open and leak UNDER my stove. Then when I served it to my husband I told him he better pretend like it is the best thing he has ever eaten/drank after my evening. Well then his syringe wouldn't suck it up- We can not figure it out. It is not too think, the syringe is in working order, idk, the cheese burger has it out for me.

Baby food mixed with water/ juice/milk/gravy so much easier. I think what he doesn't know won't kill him!

It's a Boy!

So now we are home and I am in charge, great...just great. I don't mind really. I love my husband and would do anything for him but it isn't something to look forward to ya know.

I pretty much came home from the hospital with my very own 240 lb baby. He has to be fed (and drugged) every 2 hours. He can't get around on his own very well, he drools, and pretty much near everything has to be done for him. I have to watch the color of his pee and other signs for dehydration, clean his teeth, replace his rubber bands, blend his food, fill his food syringe for him, and the list goes on...On the upside- no diapers!

We staggered his meds so pretty much every 2 hours he was getting something- Oxy or Motrin. This meant for LONG nights with very little sleep for me. I had to measure and suck all his meds into the syringe and mix in juice too. He can't stand the taste without juice. So by the time I get everything set, him drugged, and then everything cleaned back up. I had about 1 hour and 30 mins to sleep until I did it all again. Seriously feeling like a nursing mother again.

Our 5 and 8 year old boys were home with us. Luckily my MIL kept our 2 year old for the first 4 days home. I did have to get the boys on the bus but could sleep once they were gone. Ya know, sleep when the baby sleeps!


Making Brad eat proved to be a challenge once we got home, really making him do anything has been. At first all he wanted was Carnation Instant Breakfast- good that is easy enough. But soon, it was just too much milk, he was done. So we moved on to broth soups and juices. (Now we have a small array of food. I will post about food in another blog.) Really nothing sounded good to him so he'd just didn't want to eat. I ended up calling the dietician at the hospital. She told me you can live 30 days with out food just keep him hydrated. So he drank gatorade, propel, and juice. No food for a few days. I know this was not good for him. He needed the protine to help heal- but try telling him this. My thought was if you have to go throught he hassle to drink the juice why not just drink the soup or whatever was blended- takes the same amount of work and you are getting extra benefits for it...but what do I know? After a few days he came back around to food.

He stayed on his full dose of pain killers for about a week. Here is another fun U of M ruining my day and upping my stress level story. Oh that Rx that was so hard to get- well they only gave us enough for 10 doses. I realized this that first night so I called first thing Monday morning. Come to find out  you can't have a Rx for Oxy called in, nope we would have to go to Ann Arbor to pick up a new paper Rx. AHHHHH!!! I called my MIL crying- I am not a crier but stress has literally brought me to tears. So she went to Ann Arbor to get the Rx. She made sure they filled it at the hospital pharmacy as well. This bottle would last us almost a week but my MIL would have to go yet a second time to get the Oxy Rx. And also, not just anyone can pick up a Rx for a narcotic, spouses and parents are pretty much it.

One of the major problems those first few days were his lips. They were still so swollen, cracked, and bleeding. Every time he would put the feeding tube in his mouth it would brush past the sore corners of his lips breaking them open again. We found 2 solutions for this. The first- I kept the front middle rubber band off. This way he can slip the tube right in his front teeth and doesn't have to feed it down his cheek rubbing on his lip and breaking his bands as well. The second solution was actually from one of my friends, lanolin. Lanolin is for breastfeeding mothers to keep nipples from cracking and bleeding. It is thick and similar to honey in texture. It formed a nice lip covering and helped aid in healing. Luckily I have a lot of mommy friends and we were able to score 2 small sample tubes for free. If you don't have friends I suggest calling your primary care Dr or a local OB/GYN office and asking them for a sample. I'm telling you like having your own man size baby!

The first week was hard but we made it through. We were both looking forward to his follow-up appt. It was 8 days after his discharge. But once again U of M decided to cause me undue stress and canceled that appointment then rescheduled it for an entire week later.

It really was so much like bringing home a baby for the first time. You know when you are just so scared to do something wrong and not know it, yep that is how I was feeling. I needed that post-op appt to be on its original day. I needed someone to tell me yep, he is doing great, keep up the good work. So when I had to wait an extra week- ah fear. Am I doing something wrong? Is his jaw going to heal improperly because I put the bands on wrong? Oh the worry. Worse case, I like to go worse case...

The Paths I Wander Down

So Sunday, discharged with only a paper Rx... Did I mention this was also daylight savings day? Well it was and guess what? The clocks in my Jeep and in our house weren't changed, and my sleep deprived self didn't even remember it was daylight savings day.  This would prove to be a problem. A BIG problem.

Brad was in a ton of pain. He was taking 20ml of Oxycodone every 4 hours. So I was in a hurry to get that Rx filled so I'd have it when 4pm rolled around and he was due. We stopped at Rite Aid only to find out they don't carry Oxy and that the only pharmacy that did was Diplomat.

Brad decided I needed to call a ton of other pharmacies to double check. Why I chose to listen to the druggie I don't know, but I did. Eventually I called it good and decided I had time to jump in the shower while I waited for my MIL to come Brad-sit while I was gone.

Diplomat closed at 3 so as long as I left by 2:30 I would be okay. My clock said 1:30 so I was good. At 1:55 (my time) I was talking to a friend when she said it was 5 to 3. I told her she was wrong, then I realized I was ACK!

I called Diplomat first asking then begging the woman on the other line to stay open  until I got there. She refused. So I am crying at this point. I have absolutly no idea what I will do to fill this Rx tonight. I know there is NO WAY Brad could make it to 6pm let alone through the night without it. Finally the woman had some pitty on me. She told me I had 15 mins to get there. The Pharmacy is about 25 mins away.

I was running out the door, my MIL wasn't here yet. I just yelled upstairs I have to go right now, sorry. Brad was banging on the floor, he needed something but I didn't have a second to spare to find out what. So now I am driving way too fast worrying about what Brad needed. I like to go worst case senrio so I decided that Brad was upstairs dying, choking perhaps and I just ran out the door. The Rx I was going to get would be useless when I returned becasue he would be dead. Yep, that is the path my mind decided to wander down.

I pulled out my cell and started calling the house, hoping that if I called more then once Brad will get the picture and answer the phone. He didn't. So yep, I  am wandering further down the death path. Luckily my MIL got to the house and called me, everything is fine...ah I can breath...oh but not for long. Suddenly I can not decide what the fastest way to go is. I am doing like 90 down the expressway trying to decide where to go. I made my decsion hoping it was the right one. I'm watching the minutes tick by.

I pulled into the parking lot with seriously seconds to spare. I was shaking and crying, thanking, and apologizing. Lets just say the women working must have thought I was a crazy person! Oh well, we got the Rx filled.

The rest of the night I was just unable to destress from that event.

Moral of the story- if you are discharged on a weekend or evening have the hospital pharmacy fill the Rx before you leave. Only some pharmacies can carry narcotics like Oxycodone.

Some morphine for the road please?

Sunday- Discharge day. The Drs told us they would be first thing in the morning to get paperwork going. I guess to Drs "first thing in the morning" means the same thing it does when we are at home- noon! Granted if I was having to go meet the Drs somewhere and they said " 1st thing in the morning" you know it would be the crack of dawn. Anyways, the point, it was about noon before they came in to get things rolling.

The oral surgeon was supposed to show me how to replace Brad's broken bands. They are just small rubber bands slipped over hooks at his gum line. This sounds easy enough but you saw the picture of Brad's face- do you want to try to move those lips out of the way?! I wanted him to actually put one on there in front of me, hearing someone explain a task is not how I learn. I have a tendency to stop listening and start thinking about something totally off topic my brain has somehow connected to what we are talking about. Like this one time we were at the beach and...oh wait...rubber bands, how to place the rubber bands...um yes, ok I got it.

So other then not showing me how to place the bands the Drs were pretty useless only telling me common sense things and that the nurse would go over everything with us. I was really hoping we would be discharged while our good nurse was there, Reta, we liked Reta. But nope she had left already. So Mi-Jung got to go over instructions with us. She went over the meds, and man there was a ton of those. Other then Oxy and motrin there is a stool softener, an anti nausea, Sudifed, nasal spray, mouth wash, saline wash, then some of his normal meds he took prior to surgery. Then more common sense stuff, how high of a fever is too high, puss is a bad sign, oh and a bad odor is a sign to watch for too- hmmm bad odor, how do you decide that because the man can't open his mouth to brush for 6 weeks and the outsides of his teeth he can brush well those are covered in bands that just hold everything in...so bad odor? hmm? Lets just say it is a good thing Brad married and me, a person with nearly no sense of smell!

I asked the Dr and the nurse both if it was possible to give him a dose of morphine as we were leaving for the ride home. Nope. I also asked if they were sending us home with any meds. No, just paper prescriptions. We opted to leave shortly after Brad was given his meds, hoping the ride home would be less brutal on a fresh drugged brain. In case you are wondering...it wasn't. I'm going to guess that driving home for Brad was like a woman in the car on the way home after giving birth, you ladies know- every little bump in the road. Holy cow, it is like you are in labor all over again. Poor guy, it was an hour long drive.

Before I would let him in my car the boy had to shower though, he was ripe and no one needs that left behind on the seat of their car. Actually he was the one that wanted to shower, I would have drove him home in any condition.

U of M was different then any other hospital I've ever seen discharge a patient. We were on our own from his room. I had always thought a nurse had to wheel you to the door. Nope, not here! We got a wheel chair and I pushed him across the massive hospital up to the car in the ramp. Good thing I parked right near the elevator.

So we were off, with our paper prescriptions...on a Sunday afternoon...it was not going to be a good afternoon.....

A step backwards? You are joking right?

Thursday night I went home. I felt bad leaving but really thought Brad would be drugged and get some much needed sleep. I should have just stayed at the hospital I couldn't sleep worrying about him. Plus it was way too quiet- no snoring Brad, no shaking bed, no kids getting up to go potty, and lastly no dog changing spots all night- just me in a quiet house, the perfect setting for a wandering mind. At 11:30 I fell asleep but by 5:30 I was up. So at 6 I decided just to get ready and go. I packed a bag feeling I might just decide to stay in Brad's room overnight.

I stopped to see the kids at my inlaws before they went to school and headed to Ann Arbor. I needed to personally tell the kids that daddy was doing okay.

At 8:30 I was in Brad's room, but he wasn't. The nurses station told me he was off getting wired shut. That shouldn't take too long right? Ha, we are talking about Dr time here. I had over an hour to kill before he would return. As I was straightening up so I could sit I found his white head wrap on the floor, blood soaked. That surely didn't make me feel good about how the night went.

When Brad was wheeled in he had a mixture of relief and pain in his eyes. I know he was glad to see me but the wiring/banding shut was brutal. He told me he was in so much pain and that the night was horrible. His nurse hadn't done a good job of keeping on top of his pain and was only giving him some of the pain killers if he asked for them and then was slow about it. I knew I should have stayed, I felt and still feel just horrible about leaving. Not to mention I saw his whole face that day. That image enough would make you feel just horrible for the other person. Here is day two look, it is actually an improvement.

At some point on Friday I asked the Drs if Brad could have a morphine pump. Now this is day ONE, keep that in mind. They told us no, that it was a step backwards. Backwards!? We haven't even had enough time to take a step forward yet! They want to possibly send him home TOMORROW so they want to start trying to get him off narcotic pain killers. Wow, they really want to boot him out! Just ridiculous. I told them they need not worry about when he is going home but managing his pain since that is one of the requirements for going home. They at least upped his pain meds significantly and added some others. He now has 3 pain killers he can have and morphine as requested (within 2 hour time frames I think it was).

I however had to keep his meds schedule down and call the nurse at every dosage. The IB Profin was a scheduled dosage so the nurse would come in with that on time but the other pain killers, well those we had to ask for. I kept telling the nurse as soon as his 4 hours was up to please just bring his next dose. Sometimes she would sometimes she wouldn't, it was very frustrating. I knew I couldn't leave the hospital. Brad was not with it enough to keep a drug schedule in mind and watch the clock.  I should have packed more then a days worth of clothes.

Besides the drugs Brad could have ice packs on his face. They were supposed to be used 20 mins on 20 mins off, but a lot of the time we'd fall asleep and they would stay on longer. Brad never wanted to take them off anyways. On Saturday the Dr told us he should have stopped the ice and switched to moist heat. Guess we were just supposed to know this, you know we all went to med school! You would think a nurse would have had to get someone moist heat at some time. Apparently not our nurse. And yes, we were lucky enough to have her every day for most of the day. Her answer to moist heat? Oh a warm wash cloth stuffed inside a bio-hazard bag...nice. It did not stay warm long at all! Luckily, our night time nurse did fix that problem and brought Brad some of those break and heat bags to wrap in a damp towel, much better.

His lips were a big issue as well. I mean just look at them of course they hurt! There was a white cream we had to put on for the first 2 days. Then I brought him chap stick, which wasn't really cutting it. Those Angelina lips were so swollen and cracked in the corners. They would just bleed. Shutting his mouth was not yet an option so he would drool on them all day long adding to the problem. The lip pain also hindered eating.

I learned how to feed Brad. He was starving but in so much pain he didn't want to eat. Swallowing was painful and eating with a tube and a syringe isn't really ideal now is it? Feeding him is one of the things I had been the most concerned with.

The dietitian came in and helped put my mind at ease. She told me his needed calorie, protein, and fluid intake numbers. Those were a bit overwhelming. She also gave me a handout with recipes and other hints to boost calories and protein.

Once the nurse made sure Brad could swallow we attempted "eating." It went well. I learned how thin the liquid had to be to fit in the syringe with out clogging. We found the best system was for me to fill the syringe then have Brad insert the tube to the back of his teeth down his cheek. Then I would push the food in for him. If he wasn't too weak he'd push it in sometimes too.

On Saturday the Drs said they wanted to send him home that night. They decided to take away the stronger pain killers and morphine and just give him Oxycodone and IB Profin, the drugs he would have when we got home. Then they would stop by later and see what his pain level was like. They assured us they were not trying to push us out. Even though we would like a night without nurses coming to wake him up taking vitals every few hours we decided to tell the Drs we wanted to stay until Sunday. They said okay so we settled in for another long night.

During these nights I slept in a chair that stretched out flat, not too comfy but I know I wasn't in as much pain as Brad so I was fine. I didn't get too much sleep. Brad slept a lot during the day and the nights but was in so much pain the naps weren't too long. I swear every person in the hospital had their "outside voice" turned on. You'd think you were at the park not in a building full of SICK people! I had to keep asking staff who came in the room either for Brad or his room mate to please be quiet. Oh and if you recall how Brad's feet were hanging off the bed, yep nearly every person that came into the room ran into his feet. Really? Bump the person who is in massive pain to move, nice. We had to push his bed back as far as we could to try to keep him out of these people's walk way. And can anyone shut a door when they leave or enter a room, nope!

Then it was Sunday morning time to head home...

Hello Angelina!

I wasn't sure what to expect as I followed the nurse back to Brad laying in recovery. Wow, shock to the system. He definitely did not look like my Brad.

First site were his lips- oh wow those lips. I think 5 times their regular size is actually under exaggerating it. The Angelina Jolie lips were covered with an air mask. He had a white wrap going from the top of his head down under his chin. His whole head was swollen and blood stained. You could tell they had used his poor face as a table.

The nurse back there told me he looked better then a lot of the patients who undergo MMA. Usually they call them "tomato heads" because they are just so bloody.  I'm glad I wasn't a family member walking in to see a tomato head, that would be horrid.

I found out they hadn't wired his mouth shut yet, he needed the airway to breath through the night. So that was the reason for the white bandage.

I touched his hand and his eyes opened. He started to talk to me. What?! You can talk?! Shhh don't hurt yourself!

He mumbled out how he wished I was here, how he was waiting for me. Break a girls heart why don't you! I came as soon as the Drs would let me! But he wanted me there the second he woke up. That sad mood was quickly turned when the next words out of his mouth were " My butt hurts." Ah, I'm right next to butt pain in your mind, how nice!

 I told him not to talk while he tried to talk to me. I made awkward conversation about how his surgery went but he seemed to already know a lot of the info. Imagine that a man who can't recall what I said 2 mins ago now remembers everything that was said to him in the last thirty minutes even though he is high as a kite.

I snapped a couple of pictures of him because I thought he'd want to see them at some point.

After about ten or twenty mins they were ready to wheel Brad to his room- NOT in the ICU! YAY!

On the way up I popped into the waiting room to grab Tim. I showed him the picture real quick so he could get his shocked face out of the way and off we went.

When we got to his room 4433B we answered another barrage of the same questions.  We could tell Brad really needed some sleep. He was settled in as best he could be for a 6 foot 7inch man in a 5 foot 7 inch bed! It wasn't really that small but his feet were hanging off. They had to take the foot board off. The butt pain was a little better in an actual bed vs a gurney too.

His nurse seemed like she was going to be on his meds and such so we stayed until about 9pm (after his round of pain killers) and then headed home.


I would return in the morning....

A Bag of Mind Occupiers

So Brad was off to surgery at 8:30. The moment he was out of eye sight my emotions tried to take over my brain. All the things that could go wrong.....it was pretty horrible.

I'm glad I wasn't there alone. Granted my Father in Law wasn't my top choice as a companion (sorry Tim!) I'm really glad he came. If I hadn't have had someone to save face for I might have sat and just cried.

Waiting for that pager to go off was brutal. Just hoping for an update. But then, when it did go off, that sudden fear of what it would say sunk in.

Thankfully along with the FIL I brought a bag of mind occupiers with me- definitely a must have for the waiting room patient. Keep as busy as possible was my way to go. And being a woman and so spectacular at multi-tasking it took a lot to try to shut that crying voice in my head off. So I facebooked, while watching TV shows on Hulu while crocheting a few hats (3 to be exact all with more then one color of yarn in it and 1 with ears!). I had a book to read but doing just one task was not working for me.

Waiting for the first page wasn't as hard as all the others. I knew the first page would be when the first incision was actually made prior to that they were just wrapping his teeth with wires. That first page took about 2 hours to receive. Then, the long haul really began.

We went to the Cafeteria for breakfast but by lunch we didn't want to vacate our seats so I went up and brought us food back. Dinner, well dinner was just forgotten about.

Every few hours as promised there was an update on the pager. "Patient is doing well, Patient is doing well but taking longer then expected..." That last one sent my mind even more into overdrive. I tried to chalk it up to the 2 hours of wiring his teeth but still after that it was taking a long time. They said 5 hours and by now it was 4pm, so the 5 hours was past.

Then around 5 pm I looked up to see his surgeon standing at our table- looking pleased. Hurray!

Everything went well, they were able to move his jaw out 12mm which is the furthest they could so they were very pleased with that, he lost the expected about of blood, one liter (wow that is a lot!), he was coming around slowly and I would be able to see him soon (in the recovery area and not in ICU!), he is off the breathing tube the swelling wasn't too bad.

Ah relief, it was over....yet, it really was just the beginning...

Stevens Party, Your table is now ready...

March 11th- surgery day. We had to be in Ann Arbor at 6:45am for his 8:30 surgery. Brad drove there. Tim (the Father-in-Law) and myself were in the Jeep. At 5:20am our journey began.

I had originally planned to blog while Brad was in surgery to help pass that time but found that too hard emotionally.

At check in we were given a pager, kinda restaurant style looking. It lit up, vibrated, and words came up on a little screen. It worked anywhere in the hospital so we could go eat lunch with out missing any updates.

Shortly after checking our pager went off, our "table" was ready.... the operating table that is!  They called Brad and one family member back- me! They made him put his cute lil gown on, open in the back of course- woo hoo! lol  Oh and the hat, ya know the one to keep his hair out of the way... I think their logic is flawed!

The nurse was in asking the same questions over and over followed by the anesthesiologist, one of the surgeons, and yet another nurse. And yep all the same questions over and over. I know safety etc... but you must admit it gets old.

While the anesthesiologist was in the room the nurse was trying to get Brad's IV in. Apparently he has "tough skin" so the anesthesiologist had to step in and get it. I, none too fond of needles being poked into skin, turned my head then stupidly turned it back just to see a huge gush of blood pour out. The floor had to be cleaned, scrubs had to be changed...just a very pleasant view. Brad told the nurse that she softened the skin up for the anesthesiologist.

The surgeon came in and kinda explained the steps in which things would happen. Brad would be given a seditave, wheeled back, knocked out, and then they would start putting "ghetto braces" (his words not mine) on him. This consists of wires wrapped around each tooth with lil hooks for the wires or bands to be hooked on to keep Brad's jaws together for the 6 weeks needed for healing. He told us this part usually takes a long time, it is easy to do just tedious. After that was done the 1st incision will be made and all the jaw sawing, screwing, etc... will begin.

The whole time we are in pre-op Brad and I are both trying to hold back tears of fear and think positive. Listening to the barrage of what could go wrong and signing those last consent papers was scary. We went in knowing the risks but when they are laid out for you all over again minutes before you or your loved on is about to take them, just plain scary, no way around it. I wonder how many people jump ship in pre-op?

Well there was one risk I guess I was blissfully unaware of- the chance that his airway could swell too much and he would have to stay sedated over night until the swelling went down enough he could breath on his own. Um, yep not a fan of that choice!

Before we knew it, it was 8:30am,  time to say goodbye for now and watch him get wheeled away. I was scared and hoping he got to see us that night, not the next day. Please don't swell airway, pretty please!

I had my pager in hand just waiting for the updates. I was told I would get them every two hours starting when they made the first incision.

The last nurse informed me that the 5 hour surgery time given doesn't really start until the first incision. I'm glad she told me this or I would have really been panicking later on....

5am...yep AM!

The time is set 8:30am tomorrow morning. We get to be there at 6:45. Yep, I have to vacate my bed and be in a car by a little after 5 am. Ugh! Did I mention I usually go to bed about 2 am.

Tonight's "last meal" is Saganos- Japanese Steak House Brad loves. The kids will be shipped off after dinner and I am certain real fear will set in.

Tomorrow the FIL is coming with. I am glad I won't be alone at the hospital the entire day.

I've spent the day packing for everyone and getting our bedroom all beautimous! No clothes piles, dust bunnies, or Lucy's morning bowl collections. I packed up the C-PAP machine (for some reason the hospital wants it to come along?) wow Brad's nightstand looks so much better w/o it! So glad that this is hopefully the last night he has to wear it!

I am calling about the Brad-sitting job...

Dear Stress,

You are not my friend. I do not like you. Go away!

I'm stressing out. I'm being strong yet wanting to cry. I am a planner. I plan things. I know how things will go way to far in advance for the normal person. So what does my next week look like. Well hmm... Wed we get to call and then wait for someone else to call us back and set a time for surgery the next day. So that leaves Thursday with no known starting time-  I do know that is a long day of hospital sitting possibly alone, possibly with my Father in Law. If the FIL goes is he riding with us or meeting me there? Should Brad and I stay Wed night in Ann Arbor. How about Thursday night, should I stay there?

Then Friday, obviously still hospital but do I drive up, how long do I stay. Saturday same thing only on this day I know my in laws can't keep the kids. Maybe I should just get a hotel for the weekend for the kids and I, and drag my mom along to watch the kids while I go to the hospital? But can she keep 3 kids under control in a hotel room? And how much would that run? And is Brad even going to want me up there? Will the kids be allowed to visit? Do we want them to?  I know Brad says now he wants to seem them, but how will he feel after? Will that just be too scary? What really is he going to look like?

Sunday, this could be discharge day- it is day 3. Mon- Fri the next week- same thing is Brad still in the hospital is he at home? When he is at home is he bad enough that I feel like he needs constant supervision to make sure he is breathing, nothing is going wrong. I mean the man won't be able to yell- hello mouth wired shut! And his whole head is supposed to be swollen.

How long am I going to feel as though I need a Brad-sitter? A ton of my friends have offered up help but how much is too much and does someone really want to come over just to sit with Brad while I run to the grocery store. What about quick trips to pick up/drop off the kids at the activities.

Oh and before we even get to the home care area first we have to go through surgery- a 5 hour, bone cutting, drilling, pretty freaking invasive surgery. And ICU- it is not the least bit comforting to know that he goes directly from surgery to the ICU.

I can tell the stress is wearing on both of us. I'm keeping my fear in and reassuring him. And he is pretty scared and trying to keep it somewhat under wraps as well I think. So what happens- oh we argue, about stupid things.

I just want to know, I want to know exactly how everything will go. I want to know that everything will be okay. That this is but a teeny speed bump and we will hardly even notice the disruption to our smooth path together.

He just gets to lay there and recover....

I finally made it to one of Brad's appointments, the previously mentioned Pre-op. I was feeling very out of the loop, only hearing what to expect as second hand from Brad. And face it men, you just do not relay information very well.

I am the one in charge of all the after-care, I mean come on, Brad has the easy job. He just gets to lay there and recover! hehehe.... But no, I don't want to switch places with him!

Anyways, I was feeling very apprehensive about what to expect. How long will he be in the hospital, how do I feed him, how does he take the meds he usually takes every day, all that kind of stuff.... Unfortunately, this pre-op appt didn't really answer my questions. Note to all partners out there- go to the INITIAL appt, the one before they are actually approved for surgery! (At least in Brad's case that was the informative one.)

So some lil tid bits I do know. We do not find out what time his surgery is until the night before. This is not very convenient when you have a long drive! I am going to look into hotels right now because I think I'll either want to stay with Brad the night before or on my own the night of if it runs late.

Surgery will take about 5 hours. I get to spend these 5 hours alone in Ann Arbor- fun. This is when I wish all of my friends didn't have kids. After surgery he will be admitted into the ICU. I don't get to go see him until he is all set in his room. I'm not sure if ICU visitor hours come into effect here or not but no way am I leaving w/o seeing him! The idea of him having to go directly to ICU after surgery freaks me out, really highlights just how major this surgery is.

During the following days they will monitor his breathing etc... to decide a discharge date. Normal hospital stay is 3-5 days. I will be informed during his discharge on all the proper post-op care, how and what to feed him, when he is allowed to do certain activities again, how to medicate him, when to call the Dr.... I was hoping my Father in Law could go with me to pick him up just for driving reasons but now I am thinking I want my Mother in Law to come so she can know all this stuff too and help me out when needed.

So here we are 5 days away....

Park where?

So one of us has to be the "everything will be okay" person. I get that job...yay? So as far as surgery goes. I'm being positive, no worries. Assuring Brad all will be okay.

But my anxiety needs to be directed somewhere, I can't make it just go away even though I would like it to. So my brain has decided to focus on the drive/being alone getting home and back. I am in charge of driving myself to Ann Arbor and home and back and home, for up to 5 days. Plus getting Brad home when he is finally released. Me thinks the in-laws need to go with me to pick him up! I don't like driving places where I have no idea of where I am. Yes, google maps street view or perhaps a Tom Tom...

I'm telling you I don't even know where Ann Arbor is! So hold your hand up to shape our great mitten and ummm...yep no clue...I do know it isn't directly East or anywhere North so I guess I kinda have an idea...but  West and South is still a big area!

So today I went with Brad to his pre-op appt partially in hopes of feeling better about the drive. Well of course this appt is not held at the hospital, not on it's massive main campus- nope that might be too convenient.

After the pre-op Brad had me drive to the hospital. He showed me the parking ramp. Then he had me drive back out towards the e-way. Ok so today I know but next week will I? And then once I walk into the hospital, will I find my way back out?

And why in the world have I chosen this to be my main fear- good Lord my husband is having a 5 hour surgery and I'm concerned about how to get back home!

BTW, I do now know that Ann Arbor is straight down 23! Go me! Should I pass it... um yeah, I don't know where I'd end up...Detroit perhaps?

Don't worry Brad you are in safe hands, I'll get you home.....eventually!