Thank you Dora

Thank you Dora for teaching my daughter Spanish. And also Dora, thanks for teaching her that yelling words at things makes it happen.

I'm in the car with Lucy. We park and I hear "Ah-Brae, AH-BRAE. Errrrr... I said AH-BREA!" coming from the back seat. There is Lucy trying to unfasten her seat belt. She is just yelling at it. I recognize what she is saying as Spanish. Lord knows I have seen Dora enough to recognize the words she teaches, but I'm not quite sure what Ah-brae means, or obviously how to spell it....I'm guessing open but just not sure.

Luckily Wyatt is with me. He remembers near everything. Without a second thought he tells me, "mom that means open." But in the wow you are such an idiot how do you not know this, I mean come on a 2 year old does, kinda way. Thanks Wyatt, thanks....

So then when I got home what did I have to do- I had to see if Mr and Miss Smarty Pants were correct.... I've decided they are. I Google translated open and one of the options is "abrir" which is similar to Ah-Brae right? I mean look at that spelling I got the "A", a "B" and even an "R" in there!

Once upon a time I knew Spanish. But guess what, it left my brain along with a whole bunch of other stuff. Well maybe it is still there but just pushed back by all the other useless information I choose to retain.

Ah well, I think maybe next time I am at the store I'll yell Abrir at the door to see if it opens...oh wait bad choice, most doors do just open...okay, I'll make sure I am not at an automatic door and then start yelling. I'm guessing at some point someone will open the door right? So thank you Dora, thanks for a new way to open doors without having to touch them. And if I see some alligators in my path or barrels rolling towards me I'll make sure to yell "SALTAR" so I can jump over them. Oh and if someone tries to steal from me, I'll tell them no 3 times, that 3rd time is the charm! Oh Man!

I Just want Crack!

Ha, ha...got ya curious with that title huh?

Up, down, back up, back down- AHHHH..... up, down, up, down.....oh I just give up! This is me trying to crack a window in my Jeep. (But this picture isn't me, just a random picture search so when I link this on Facebook it looks more interesting!)

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my Jeep- even it's little quirks like the front window that hums on certain days if I drive over 55mph. Yep, my Jeep has personality! Unfortunately part of it's personality is to mess with me. Yes, I am personalizing my Jeep now too... don't worry I won't start eating any pieces of it, then I'd have to eat it all! (wow, if you skipped my last blog you are so lost right now)

My Commander has a great feature. Who it is great for? I'm not sure. Personally, I think the designers added this feature as a little bit of humor for passengers or other drivers on the road. The feature- auto roll windows. You push the button and the window goes all the way down or up without you having to hold it the entire time. Okay,  yes, I can see where this feature comes in handy (and I mean for the driver this time). But most of the time that window is just making me crazy and cracking my kids up.

I'm a little warm, it is windy, I just want the window cracked. And hello! I am trying to drive the car here! I can't keep hitting this button!!! I cannot seem to hit it just perfectly, ya know where it CRACKS the window and then STOPS! I know we should "Just say no to crack." But come on, sometimes a crack is all ya need! lol

Apparently pushing a button is much harder for me then it should be. Not only can I not crack my window without pushing and pulling up on the button a few million time, I also can't seem to ever remember which direction makes the windows go down or up? My window control is a button (though button just does not seem like the right word) that you either pull up on or push down. Even sitting here thinking about it I can't tell you which way does what. Logically I want to say that pulling it up raises the window and pushing it down lowers. Hmmm... I should go check...give me a second.....


Okay, yep my logic was right! Go me. Why can't I think that logically while I am driving? It must go along with the whole turn the radio down when you are looking for an address thing...yep, pretty sure I do that... too much going on to focus on the small stuff. Ah, don't you feel safe with people like me on the road- ones that can't even work their car windows!

Mr. Cheerio, Where is Your Family?

Food has feelings. I was sure of this as a child. Not the whole I need to be a vegetarian because my hamburger was once a cow kind of feelings. More along the lines of my Cheerio's are all a family so if I leave one in the bowl then it's family is missing it!

 

 I had rules for what could and could not be left behind on my plate. If it was a food I didn't like then sorry little chick pea family you will have to go on without your son, I will not eat one more bite then I have to! If it was a food I could stand but wasn't one I really liked I'd take one for the team and suffer through those last bites because you just can't break up a family. I didn't realize I was "breaking" it up in a different way!

I was oblivious to this major flaws in my logic (one of many), the whole chewing and crushing the poor food family part. Apparently I decided if one family member had to suffer a painful crushing death then they all did. That is probably a good thing I didn't think about being a food murderer by chewing or I would have had to start swallowing my food whole!

Other inanimate objects, well they had feelings too. I was certain of it- like stuffed animals, yep they know! If I let one sleep with me then the others were jealous. So I had to come up with a rotating order to who got to sleep with me when. Teddy bear today, Stuffed California Raisin tomorrow, followed by Annie, Rainbow Brite.... And God forbid I screw up one night and hug or kiss one of my toys  in front of the others. Great, just great now I have to hug and kiss them all! Vacations or sleepovers, a whole other cause of undue stress. Who gets to go?

I did have a favorite stuffed animal- Boo Boo the Bear. He of course was top dog, or I guess top bear, in my bedroom. I just decided that all the other stuffed animals knew this and had to accept it. It was like he was the king. Everyone knows that all worlds have kings! The other stuffies would just understand. One of them could always vie for Boo Boo's position if they wanted to. I mean seriously stuffed animals just knock up the cuteness and cushy factor a little! Be the first one I see when I need to cry or am scared, it gets you brownie points! It isn't my fault if they weren't there. Unless you fell under the bed. Then OMG you get special treatment for the week as an apology. Dear sweet cabbage patch baby, I didn't know you were there, and it was so dark, you were probably so scared! I'm so sorry! You can go on my next sleep over!

I kept all this craziness to myself. At least I was aware enough to realize that other people would think I was a loon. But really that wasn't it totally. I thought I was the only one smart enough to realize that the stuffed animals and food had feelings.

Through the years I've heard other people make mention of the stuffed animal feeling, not necessarily the food, but I can't have been the only one (or could I? lol) I kinda keep an eye on my kids, wondering if any of them inherited my emotional connection to food and toys...Lucy just might have... She says, "Hello, I'm going to eat you!" to a lot of her food before she eats it.

Goldfish, Yum?

What am I doing tomorrow afternoon? Oh well I am taking Wyatt shopping for a fish.

What crack head came up with this idea?! Oh yea, it was ME!!! I'm the idiot. Me, Mrs. I-Hate-Pets had this brilliant plan.The reasoning behind this plan- make dinner less miserable!

You see, Wyatt makes every dinner unbearable with his constant complaining. There is no winning with him. He can even find reasons to complain about his favorite meals. What is this? What is this brown thing? Spices? Aw mom, asparagus, yuck. What is in this? Do I like this? How much do I have to eat? Can I be done yet? I need my fork cleaned between foods. My food is touching.  It is too hot/cold. This smells funny.....Yep, he has a Masters Degree, in complaints. So in my never ending quest to have a peaceful, tear and complaint free dinner I devised a plan. Find something he really wants and make him earn it.

So of all the things he might possibly want, what do I decide to use as bribery? A fish, that is what! If you recall he wanted to trade Linus in for a fish. I figured if Levi gets his pet of choice, that dumb dog, I should let Wyatt have a pet too. Especially one as easy as a fish. But it sure wasn't just getting handed to him. Nope, he'd have to earn it.

I was certain that this plan was brilliant. Why? Oh because I was sure that there was no way Wyatt could accomplish the feat before him- 3 weeks straight without complaining about dinner. The rule was if he went a week and then complained the three weeks started over. Okay, so I didn't really think he'd never get there. I just thought it would take a while- ya know like longer then 3 weeks and 3 days. My thought was no way will this happen quickly, it would be at least winter by the time he got there. Yep, I have months and months of dangling this fish over him. That was my wrong thinking!

Shockingly to me he made it pretty much from the start. The first couple days he wasn't getting it but once he got a couple days in he decided he was in for the long haul. He had the fish in sight and nothing, not even asparagus with little seasoning pieces or God forbid a casserole where food is actually mixed together was going to derail him!


He is Whiny Wyatt, so I'd let one little " what is this?" said in a complaining voice go. I'd reply with, "oh are we starting over?" Then zip went his whiny lip...well and unzip to put the food in and all!

He keeps making comments about what he gets IF he keeps the complaining down some more. "Maybe a second fish," he says. "Ya know, my fish will need a friend...."

So now I am starting to wonder if he really learned anything from this other then how to hold back when a prize is on the line. What is going to happen at tomorrows dinner when the fish is happily swimming in a bowl at our house and not the pet store? Do I tell him if he doesn't knock it off we will be having goldfish tomorrow (or betta, or whatever fish we end up with)???? Or am I going to end up with an aquarium FULL of fish, a new one added every three weeks....hmmm... is a complaint free meal worth that much hassle. NO! No it is not! So be quiet and eat your food or the fish gets it! Yep, I think that is the route I'll take!!!

Yes Mom, I'll call the Dr.

Ugh, I have chest pains. I have them a lot. And yes mom, I've been to the Dr. She says I have Mitral Valve Prolapse which can cause chest pains in some victims, I mean patients... But I still worry, who wouldn't? And guess what? Worrying can make them worse- yay!

I seem to go through pain cycles. I can go months with very few pains then months when it is near non- stop. Being pregnant was totally a cure for me, not a chest pain one when I was a preggo fatty. But we all know that isn't happening again, baby hating and all...

So what to do? The Dr ran a bunch of test to help set my mind at ease...EKG, Stress Echo, 24 hr halter monitor... nothing of mention shows up. Well, my cholesterol was getting a little high at the last test and I'm due for a repeat screening but I keep putting it off because I know I've eaten badly the last 7 weeks. With Brad not eating, dinner has turned into whatever I know the kids won't really complain about. So that equals take out, cheese covered things, pasta, nuggets, ya know all the heart healthy stuff! But surely that isn't the cause of the recent bout, nope no way, that could not be it! My google medical degree says so!

Anyways, about a year back my Dr gave me a Rx for Xanax thinking if I took it when the pain started it might relax me and make them go away, yep didn't work- but the Xanax has come in handy for other times, like say family trips with all the in laws in a teeny tiny cabin all together, and that bird, that darn, chirpy, squawking, talking bird (oh there is a blog topic!)! Seriously though, I'm no Xanax addict, I've taken less then 10 total in a year.

So obviously, right now I am in one of those chest pain cycles...blah...seems to be after I eat this time around. Nope, still not accepting it is from my diet... nope! I'm young, I can eat whatever.... And yes, I'll keep telling myself that!

Other times the pain comes  when I lay down. The pain moves around and changes sensations too. Sometimes I'm being stabbed, other times it is like someone is sitting on my chest, then there is the dull ache. Makes it hard for the Dr to pin point. What can I say? I like to be difficult!

Alright, so maybe this recent bout is from my diet... man this whole getting old thing sucks. And no worries mom, I'll get that blood test this week and schedule an appt with my Dr. I really don't like these chest pains more then anyone else, well maybe Brad, he really hates for me to mention them. What can I say I am irreplaceable!  But trust me thinking you are possibly having a heart attack and somewhat unaware thinking it is just regular ol' chest pains not the best on ones nerves.

Puss Equals What?

Well sorry Brad, but I am afraid for the sake of my blog you dear, are going to have to endure another surgery. I keep trying to think of something funny to blog about but it just doesn't seem as funny as my rants about you, blender explosions, Doctor appointments.....

I mean think about it, surely it is worth it. You suffer a teeny tiny little bit and the rest of us, well we all get a good laugh over it...yep, sounds reasonable to me! Come on man, take one for the team!

Oh wait, what am I saying!? I am apparently forgetting the one major theme through my surgery blogs, my annoyance! I mean my love, my love for Brad.

Today I missed out on a great blogertunity (yep just coined that word!). Brad developed a cyst behind his ear and he went to the Doctor to drain it. I couldn't go along. I made him see the Dr because frankly I had no idea what this weird blood filled sac like area behind his ear was. Had my Google medical degree given me clearance to pop it I so would have. But my worst case scenario brain had me going straight to blood clot. Yep, he has a blood clot that close to his brain, don't touch it, don't make it move!!! Oh my God will he make it through the night!? Yep, that is how my brain works, pleasant sleeping I tell ya, so pleasant and peaceful!


Oh how awesome would  it have been to witness the cyst popping. Okay so yes, gross, I am one of those people that likes to pop things, puss = awesome. Good thing I have beautimus skin otherwise I'd be scarred beyond belief from picking.

But back to the awesome cyst popping... Seriously, so sad I missed this. Not only for the popping/draining part of it but the Brad enduring it part- I would have enjoyed that. Yep, I like to hurt people too. I so totally should have been a dentist or some pain causing job like that. Fun facts about Becky...maybe I should add a few more positive ones about me here, I'm really selling myself it seems.

Okay, so the fun part wouldn't have been Brad in pain, it would have been me cracking jokes while he is in pain. Our Dr, well I love her, and she is hilarious too. Yep, woulda been a great time. When Brad got home he even told me how he and our Dr discussed how much I would have loved being at that appointment.

Okay Brad, I guess no more surgery but save these fun appointments for when I am there!

Oh Look, Dad Was In Charge Today!

Maybe I used to care more, maybe the kids have worn me down, maybe it is just more prevalent when there is three of them....But no matter what the reason I seem to be the mom with 3 crazy looking kids following behind her....or off to the side, maybe 20 feet in front of her...ya know in the general area of me!

I realized this a couple weeks ago when I was taking the kids for a quick Taco Bell trip. I walked in with Batman, a kid in floods, and a lil girl in pooh bear moon boots (it was 70 degrees out). I guess I knew I was caring a little bit less about how matchy-matchy the kids were before this date but it was the true realization. I looked behind me and thought, wow I am that mom i have seen at Walmart and thought, wow really? See, the boys are finally starting to dress themselves and Lucy, well she has always had an opinion about what she should wear. Me, well I am apparently not caring as much.

I never really cared when the boys were younger if they dressed themselves super crazy. Costumes to grocery shop in have never been a biggie with me. Actually, I think it is cute and love it when they do that! It is the just almost matching or a size too big or too small that bothered me. I figured if they looked totally outrageous then people would figure they dressed themselves. But, if they just almost matched then people might think I actually dressed them like that as if I think it matches or fits. That is what bothered me.

I recall this one day when Brad got Levi up and dressed for school. What I didn't know, as I was sleeping so soundly in bed, is that he told Levi to pick out his own clothes. Then, apparently Brad was blind to him until Levi was stepping on to the bus. How did Brad send my child to school- oh in his little brothers pants- he normally wore a 6 and he went to school in 3T pants. It looked like he had little girl capri pants on. When I watched Levi get off the bus in those pants I could have died! Ok not literally but ya know. I just knew he had been walking around and every adult in the building had thought, "Good Lord what did his mother dress him in!" Later when I really thought about it I decided there were mostly women in the building and their actual thought was probably " Oh look, Dad was in charge today!"

Levi, well he likes to wear clothes that just almost match and he is the king of floods. He seems to get attached to his clothing and just can't let it go or maybe it is his clothes literally are attached TO him, because he also never changes his clothes. During the school week he has to shower and put on new clothes every morning but over the summer and weekends when things are more lax and showers aren't forced well it isn't shocking to see that kid Sunday night in what he put on Friday morning. Hey saves me on laundry right?

Wyatt, well he is king of costumes. He is the kid that leaves the house dressed as batman, a cowboy, a power ranger.... Not only will he dress as these characters but he really thinks the rest of us think he IS that character. He also is my only child dresses himself every single morning as soon as he wakes up but, he has no concept of color and matching. He is my child you see in brown cords with a black Halloween t-shirt. He also has his own fashion trend, one I have always loved. He wears clip on ties with his t-shirts. It is so he can be "fancy" ya know!

Lucy, well I have waited far too long for a girl to dress so I have say on her clothes most of the time. I do let her pick pieces and I know her style so I stick with. Yes, at 2 my daughter has a "style." Her fashion downfalls that I am learning to accept- oh Princesses and Dora on clothing. She loves to wear princess dresses out and her shoes, she is picky about her shoes. She gets in shoe ruts though where she will only wear one shoe no matter what the outfit is, hence the moon boots at Taco Bell.

So I think the answer is that the kids are just wearing me down. But, I'll play it off as if I am letting them discover their own individuality. There are and I'm sure still will be many a times I'll look behind me and think, Whose kids are these and Good Lord what did you mother let you wear today!