The changes are numerous- our diet, our daily activities, our clothing (ya know not wearing those heels that are just asking for a fall), we take vitamins and read books about every possible thing that could (and we think will) go wrong. We search endlessly for the perfect Dr and visit him/her as often as possible. We screen for more what ifs. Then we begin the researching and shopping. We buy safety items for every inch of our home. We check recall lists, avoiding hand me downs becasue surely it isn't safe, especially if some other baby has used it and not been injured or died.
Then this little person is born and a whole new set of worries comes along. Wash your hands don't touch the baby! Don't bounce him too hard, make sure you burp him just right. Are they eating enough? Too much? And of course the constant need to go check on this little person if they sleep for more then 10 mins. Poke, poke, are you breathing???? What was that a little cough? It doesn't matter if it is the middle of the night, I better call the Dr.
So why is it then that these miniature people repay our worry by acting like we are out to kill, injure, maim, and torture them at any given moment????
The Bathtub- Just look up honey, I swear if you look up the shampoo won't get into your eyes. Nope. No way, not gonna do it. Okay so how about you lay back in the tub and I'll hold your head to get the shampoo out.... Nope, you'll drown me, I'm sure of it... you won't hold my head... nope....Seriously child of mine....
The vacuum- a child death machine of course, that is why we use it don't you know. Yep, run baby girl becasue I am going to suck you up. I've spent near 4 years taking care of your every need, feeding you when I was too sick to get my own food, comforting you at night when I haven't had a decent nights sleep in weeks but what the heck- lets end it all now- with a vacuum....
Nail clippers- yes, I want to cut your toes off so I have to carry you around the house for the rest of your life, that sounds fun.
Toothbrushes- secretly these are made to slowly scrape your gums away until your teeth fall out.
Homework- this is our favorite form of torture- why? Oh becasue it is one that tortures us right along with you.
The list goes on and on... I know my kids love me, I know they trust me. But there are just some crazy fears that seem to supersede all the trust. I guess it is like when you are in the car with your husband, he is driving and you are freaking out becasue you know- he IS trying to kill all of you.
