It's a Boy!

So now we are home and I am in charge, great...just great. I don't mind really. I love my husband and would do anything for him but it isn't something to look forward to ya know.

I pretty much came home from the hospital with my very own 240 lb baby. He has to be fed (and drugged) every 2 hours. He can't get around on his own very well, he drools, and pretty much near everything has to be done for him. I have to watch the color of his pee and other signs for dehydration, clean his teeth, replace his rubber bands, blend his food, fill his food syringe for him, and the list goes on...On the upside- no diapers!

We staggered his meds so pretty much every 2 hours he was getting something- Oxy or Motrin. This meant for LONG nights with very little sleep for me. I had to measure and suck all his meds into the syringe and mix in juice too. He can't stand the taste without juice. So by the time I get everything set, him drugged, and then everything cleaned back up. I had about 1 hour and 30 mins to sleep until I did it all again. Seriously feeling like a nursing mother again.

Our 5 and 8 year old boys were home with us. Luckily my MIL kept our 2 year old for the first 4 days home. I did have to get the boys on the bus but could sleep once they were gone. Ya know, sleep when the baby sleeps!


Making Brad eat proved to be a challenge once we got home, really making him do anything has been. At first all he wanted was Carnation Instant Breakfast- good that is easy enough. But soon, it was just too much milk, he was done. So we moved on to broth soups and juices. (Now we have a small array of food. I will post about food in another blog.) Really nothing sounded good to him so he'd just didn't want to eat. I ended up calling the dietician at the hospital. She told me you can live 30 days with out food just keep him hydrated. So he drank gatorade, propel, and juice. No food for a few days. I know this was not good for him. He needed the protine to help heal- but try telling him this. My thought was if you have to go throught he hassle to drink the juice why not just drink the soup or whatever was blended- takes the same amount of work and you are getting extra benefits for it...but what do I know? After a few days he came back around to food.

He stayed on his full dose of pain killers for about a week. Here is another fun U of M ruining my day and upping my stress level story. Oh that Rx that was so hard to get- well they only gave us enough for 10 doses. I realized this that first night so I called first thing Monday morning. Come to find out  you can't have a Rx for Oxy called in, nope we would have to go to Ann Arbor to pick up a new paper Rx. AHHHHH!!! I called my MIL crying- I am not a crier but stress has literally brought me to tears. So she went to Ann Arbor to get the Rx. She made sure they filled it at the hospital pharmacy as well. This bottle would last us almost a week but my MIL would have to go yet a second time to get the Oxy Rx. And also, not just anyone can pick up a Rx for a narcotic, spouses and parents are pretty much it.

One of the major problems those first few days were his lips. They were still so swollen, cracked, and bleeding. Every time he would put the feeding tube in his mouth it would brush past the sore corners of his lips breaking them open again. We found 2 solutions for this. The first- I kept the front middle rubber band off. This way he can slip the tube right in his front teeth and doesn't have to feed it down his cheek rubbing on his lip and breaking his bands as well. The second solution was actually from one of my friends, lanolin. Lanolin is for breastfeeding mothers to keep nipples from cracking and bleeding. It is thick and similar to honey in texture. It formed a nice lip covering and helped aid in healing. Luckily I have a lot of mommy friends and we were able to score 2 small sample tubes for free. If you don't have friends I suggest calling your primary care Dr or a local OB/GYN office and asking them for a sample. I'm telling you like having your own man size baby!

The first week was hard but we made it through. We were both looking forward to his follow-up appt. It was 8 days after his discharge. But once again U of M decided to cause me undue stress and canceled that appointment then rescheduled it for an entire week later.

It really was so much like bringing home a baby for the first time. You know when you are just so scared to do something wrong and not know it, yep that is how I was feeling. I needed that post-op appt to be on its original day. I needed someone to tell me yep, he is doing great, keep up the good work. So when I had to wait an extra week- ah fear. Am I doing something wrong? Is his jaw going to heal improperly because I put the bands on wrong? Oh the worry. Worse case, I like to go worse case...

The Paths I Wander Down

So Sunday, discharged with only a paper Rx... Did I mention this was also daylight savings day? Well it was and guess what? The clocks in my Jeep and in our house weren't changed, and my sleep deprived self didn't even remember it was daylight savings day.  This would prove to be a problem. A BIG problem.

Brad was in a ton of pain. He was taking 20ml of Oxycodone every 4 hours. So I was in a hurry to get that Rx filled so I'd have it when 4pm rolled around and he was due. We stopped at Rite Aid only to find out they don't carry Oxy and that the only pharmacy that did was Diplomat.

Brad decided I needed to call a ton of other pharmacies to double check. Why I chose to listen to the druggie I don't know, but I did. Eventually I called it good and decided I had time to jump in the shower while I waited for my MIL to come Brad-sit while I was gone.

Diplomat closed at 3 so as long as I left by 2:30 I would be okay. My clock said 1:30 so I was good. At 1:55 (my time) I was talking to a friend when she said it was 5 to 3. I told her she was wrong, then I realized I was ACK!

I called Diplomat first asking then begging the woman on the other line to stay open  until I got there. She refused. So I am crying at this point. I have absolutly no idea what I will do to fill this Rx tonight. I know there is NO WAY Brad could make it to 6pm let alone through the night without it. Finally the woman had some pitty on me. She told me I had 15 mins to get there. The Pharmacy is about 25 mins away.

I was running out the door, my MIL wasn't here yet. I just yelled upstairs I have to go right now, sorry. Brad was banging on the floor, he needed something but I didn't have a second to spare to find out what. So now I am driving way too fast worrying about what Brad needed. I like to go worst case senrio so I decided that Brad was upstairs dying, choking perhaps and I just ran out the door. The Rx I was going to get would be useless when I returned becasue he would be dead. Yep, that is the path my mind decided to wander down.

I pulled out my cell and started calling the house, hoping that if I called more then once Brad will get the picture and answer the phone. He didn't. So yep, I  am wandering further down the death path. Luckily my MIL got to the house and called me, everything is fine...ah I can breath...oh but not for long. Suddenly I can not decide what the fastest way to go is. I am doing like 90 down the expressway trying to decide where to go. I made my decsion hoping it was the right one. I'm watching the minutes tick by.

I pulled into the parking lot with seriously seconds to spare. I was shaking and crying, thanking, and apologizing. Lets just say the women working must have thought I was a crazy person! Oh well, we got the Rx filled.

The rest of the night I was just unable to destress from that event.

Moral of the story- if you are discharged on a weekend or evening have the hospital pharmacy fill the Rx before you leave. Only some pharmacies can carry narcotics like Oxycodone.

Some morphine for the road please?

Sunday- Discharge day. The Drs told us they would be first thing in the morning to get paperwork going. I guess to Drs "first thing in the morning" means the same thing it does when we are at home- noon! Granted if I was having to go meet the Drs somewhere and they said " 1st thing in the morning" you know it would be the crack of dawn. Anyways, the point, it was about noon before they came in to get things rolling.

The oral surgeon was supposed to show me how to replace Brad's broken bands. They are just small rubber bands slipped over hooks at his gum line. This sounds easy enough but you saw the picture of Brad's face- do you want to try to move those lips out of the way?! I wanted him to actually put one on there in front of me, hearing someone explain a task is not how I learn. I have a tendency to stop listening and start thinking about something totally off topic my brain has somehow connected to what we are talking about. Like this one time we were at the beach and...oh wait...rubber bands, how to place the rubber bands...um yes, ok I got it.

So other then not showing me how to place the bands the Drs were pretty useless only telling me common sense things and that the nurse would go over everything with us. I was really hoping we would be discharged while our good nurse was there, Reta, we liked Reta. But nope she had left already. So Mi-Jung got to go over instructions with us. She went over the meds, and man there was a ton of those. Other then Oxy and motrin there is a stool softener, an anti nausea, Sudifed, nasal spray, mouth wash, saline wash, then some of his normal meds he took prior to surgery. Then more common sense stuff, how high of a fever is too high, puss is a bad sign, oh and a bad odor is a sign to watch for too- hmmm bad odor, how do you decide that because the man can't open his mouth to brush for 6 weeks and the outsides of his teeth he can brush well those are covered in bands that just hold everything in...so bad odor? hmm? Lets just say it is a good thing Brad married and me, a person with nearly no sense of smell!

I asked the Dr and the nurse both if it was possible to give him a dose of morphine as we were leaving for the ride home. Nope. I also asked if they were sending us home with any meds. No, just paper prescriptions. We opted to leave shortly after Brad was given his meds, hoping the ride home would be less brutal on a fresh drugged brain. In case you are wondering...it wasn't. I'm going to guess that driving home for Brad was like a woman in the car on the way home after giving birth, you ladies know- every little bump in the road. Holy cow, it is like you are in labor all over again. Poor guy, it was an hour long drive.

Before I would let him in my car the boy had to shower though, he was ripe and no one needs that left behind on the seat of their car. Actually he was the one that wanted to shower, I would have drove him home in any condition.

U of M was different then any other hospital I've ever seen discharge a patient. We were on our own from his room. I had always thought a nurse had to wheel you to the door. Nope, not here! We got a wheel chair and I pushed him across the massive hospital up to the car in the ramp. Good thing I parked right near the elevator.

So we were off, with our paper prescriptions...on a Sunday afternoon...it was not going to be a good afternoon.....

A step backwards? You are joking right?

Thursday night I went home. I felt bad leaving but really thought Brad would be drugged and get some much needed sleep. I should have just stayed at the hospital I couldn't sleep worrying about him. Plus it was way too quiet- no snoring Brad, no shaking bed, no kids getting up to go potty, and lastly no dog changing spots all night- just me in a quiet house, the perfect setting for a wandering mind. At 11:30 I fell asleep but by 5:30 I was up. So at 6 I decided just to get ready and go. I packed a bag feeling I might just decide to stay in Brad's room overnight.

I stopped to see the kids at my inlaws before they went to school and headed to Ann Arbor. I needed to personally tell the kids that daddy was doing okay.

At 8:30 I was in Brad's room, but he wasn't. The nurses station told me he was off getting wired shut. That shouldn't take too long right? Ha, we are talking about Dr time here. I had over an hour to kill before he would return. As I was straightening up so I could sit I found his white head wrap on the floor, blood soaked. That surely didn't make me feel good about how the night went.

When Brad was wheeled in he had a mixture of relief and pain in his eyes. I know he was glad to see me but the wiring/banding shut was brutal. He told me he was in so much pain and that the night was horrible. His nurse hadn't done a good job of keeping on top of his pain and was only giving him some of the pain killers if he asked for them and then was slow about it. I knew I should have stayed, I felt and still feel just horrible about leaving. Not to mention I saw his whole face that day. That image enough would make you feel just horrible for the other person. Here is day two look, it is actually an improvement.

At some point on Friday I asked the Drs if Brad could have a morphine pump. Now this is day ONE, keep that in mind. They told us no, that it was a step backwards. Backwards!? We haven't even had enough time to take a step forward yet! They want to possibly send him home TOMORROW so they want to start trying to get him off narcotic pain killers. Wow, they really want to boot him out! Just ridiculous. I told them they need not worry about when he is going home but managing his pain since that is one of the requirements for going home. They at least upped his pain meds significantly and added some others. He now has 3 pain killers he can have and morphine as requested (within 2 hour time frames I think it was).

I however had to keep his meds schedule down and call the nurse at every dosage. The IB Profin was a scheduled dosage so the nurse would come in with that on time but the other pain killers, well those we had to ask for. I kept telling the nurse as soon as his 4 hours was up to please just bring his next dose. Sometimes she would sometimes she wouldn't, it was very frustrating. I knew I couldn't leave the hospital. Brad was not with it enough to keep a drug schedule in mind and watch the clock.  I should have packed more then a days worth of clothes.

Besides the drugs Brad could have ice packs on his face. They were supposed to be used 20 mins on 20 mins off, but a lot of the time we'd fall asleep and they would stay on longer. Brad never wanted to take them off anyways. On Saturday the Dr told us he should have stopped the ice and switched to moist heat. Guess we were just supposed to know this, you know we all went to med school! You would think a nurse would have had to get someone moist heat at some time. Apparently not our nurse. And yes, we were lucky enough to have her every day for most of the day. Her answer to moist heat? Oh a warm wash cloth stuffed inside a bio-hazard bag...nice. It did not stay warm long at all! Luckily, our night time nurse did fix that problem and brought Brad some of those break and heat bags to wrap in a damp towel, much better.

His lips were a big issue as well. I mean just look at them of course they hurt! There was a white cream we had to put on for the first 2 days. Then I brought him chap stick, which wasn't really cutting it. Those Angelina lips were so swollen and cracked in the corners. They would just bleed. Shutting his mouth was not yet an option so he would drool on them all day long adding to the problem. The lip pain also hindered eating.

I learned how to feed Brad. He was starving but in so much pain he didn't want to eat. Swallowing was painful and eating with a tube and a syringe isn't really ideal now is it? Feeding him is one of the things I had been the most concerned with.

The dietitian came in and helped put my mind at ease. She told me his needed calorie, protein, and fluid intake numbers. Those were a bit overwhelming. She also gave me a handout with recipes and other hints to boost calories and protein.

Once the nurse made sure Brad could swallow we attempted "eating." It went well. I learned how thin the liquid had to be to fit in the syringe with out clogging. We found the best system was for me to fill the syringe then have Brad insert the tube to the back of his teeth down his cheek. Then I would push the food in for him. If he wasn't too weak he'd push it in sometimes too.

On Saturday the Drs said they wanted to send him home that night. They decided to take away the stronger pain killers and morphine and just give him Oxycodone and IB Profin, the drugs he would have when we got home. Then they would stop by later and see what his pain level was like. They assured us they were not trying to push us out. Even though we would like a night without nurses coming to wake him up taking vitals every few hours we decided to tell the Drs we wanted to stay until Sunday. They said okay so we settled in for another long night.

During these nights I slept in a chair that stretched out flat, not too comfy but I know I wasn't in as much pain as Brad so I was fine. I didn't get too much sleep. Brad slept a lot during the day and the nights but was in so much pain the naps weren't too long. I swear every person in the hospital had their "outside voice" turned on. You'd think you were at the park not in a building full of SICK people! I had to keep asking staff who came in the room either for Brad or his room mate to please be quiet. Oh and if you recall how Brad's feet were hanging off the bed, yep nearly every person that came into the room ran into his feet. Really? Bump the person who is in massive pain to move, nice. We had to push his bed back as far as we could to try to keep him out of these people's walk way. And can anyone shut a door when they leave or enter a room, nope!

Then it was Sunday morning time to head home...

Hello Angelina!

I wasn't sure what to expect as I followed the nurse back to Brad laying in recovery. Wow, shock to the system. He definitely did not look like my Brad.

First site were his lips- oh wow those lips. I think 5 times their regular size is actually under exaggerating it. The Angelina Jolie lips were covered with an air mask. He had a white wrap going from the top of his head down under his chin. His whole head was swollen and blood stained. You could tell they had used his poor face as a table.

The nurse back there told me he looked better then a lot of the patients who undergo MMA. Usually they call them "tomato heads" because they are just so bloody.  I'm glad I wasn't a family member walking in to see a tomato head, that would be horrid.

I found out they hadn't wired his mouth shut yet, he needed the airway to breath through the night. So that was the reason for the white bandage.

I touched his hand and his eyes opened. He started to talk to me. What?! You can talk?! Shhh don't hurt yourself!

He mumbled out how he wished I was here, how he was waiting for me. Break a girls heart why don't you! I came as soon as the Drs would let me! But he wanted me there the second he woke up. That sad mood was quickly turned when the next words out of his mouth were " My butt hurts." Ah, I'm right next to butt pain in your mind, how nice!

 I told him not to talk while he tried to talk to me. I made awkward conversation about how his surgery went but he seemed to already know a lot of the info. Imagine that a man who can't recall what I said 2 mins ago now remembers everything that was said to him in the last thirty minutes even though he is high as a kite.

I snapped a couple of pictures of him because I thought he'd want to see them at some point.

After about ten or twenty mins they were ready to wheel Brad to his room- NOT in the ICU! YAY!

On the way up I popped into the waiting room to grab Tim. I showed him the picture real quick so he could get his shocked face out of the way and off we went.

When we got to his room 4433B we answered another barrage of the same questions.  We could tell Brad really needed some sleep. He was settled in as best he could be for a 6 foot 7inch man in a 5 foot 7 inch bed! It wasn't really that small but his feet were hanging off. They had to take the foot board off. The butt pain was a little better in an actual bed vs a gurney too.

His nurse seemed like she was going to be on his meds and such so we stayed until about 9pm (after his round of pain killers) and then headed home.


I would return in the morning....

A Bag of Mind Occupiers

So Brad was off to surgery at 8:30. The moment he was out of eye sight my emotions tried to take over my brain. All the things that could go wrong.....it was pretty horrible.

I'm glad I wasn't there alone. Granted my Father in Law wasn't my top choice as a companion (sorry Tim!) I'm really glad he came. If I hadn't have had someone to save face for I might have sat and just cried.

Waiting for that pager to go off was brutal. Just hoping for an update. But then, when it did go off, that sudden fear of what it would say sunk in.

Thankfully along with the FIL I brought a bag of mind occupiers with me- definitely a must have for the waiting room patient. Keep as busy as possible was my way to go. And being a woman and so spectacular at multi-tasking it took a lot to try to shut that crying voice in my head off. So I facebooked, while watching TV shows on Hulu while crocheting a few hats (3 to be exact all with more then one color of yarn in it and 1 with ears!). I had a book to read but doing just one task was not working for me.

Waiting for the first page wasn't as hard as all the others. I knew the first page would be when the first incision was actually made prior to that they were just wrapping his teeth with wires. That first page took about 2 hours to receive. Then, the long haul really began.

We went to the Cafeteria for breakfast but by lunch we didn't want to vacate our seats so I went up and brought us food back. Dinner, well dinner was just forgotten about.

Every few hours as promised there was an update on the pager. "Patient is doing well, Patient is doing well but taking longer then expected..." That last one sent my mind even more into overdrive. I tried to chalk it up to the 2 hours of wiring his teeth but still after that it was taking a long time. They said 5 hours and by now it was 4pm, so the 5 hours was past.

Then around 5 pm I looked up to see his surgeon standing at our table- looking pleased. Hurray!

Everything went well, they were able to move his jaw out 12mm which is the furthest they could so they were very pleased with that, he lost the expected about of blood, one liter (wow that is a lot!), he was coming around slowly and I would be able to see him soon (in the recovery area and not in ICU!), he is off the breathing tube the swelling wasn't too bad.

Ah relief, it was over....yet, it really was just the beginning...

Stevens Party, Your table is now ready...

March 11th- surgery day. We had to be in Ann Arbor at 6:45am for his 8:30 surgery. Brad drove there. Tim (the Father-in-Law) and myself were in the Jeep. At 5:20am our journey began.

I had originally planned to blog while Brad was in surgery to help pass that time but found that too hard emotionally.

At check in we were given a pager, kinda restaurant style looking. It lit up, vibrated, and words came up on a little screen. It worked anywhere in the hospital so we could go eat lunch with out missing any updates.

Shortly after checking our pager went off, our "table" was ready.... the operating table that is!  They called Brad and one family member back- me! They made him put his cute lil gown on, open in the back of course- woo hoo! lol  Oh and the hat, ya know the one to keep his hair out of the way... I think their logic is flawed!

The nurse was in asking the same questions over and over followed by the anesthesiologist, one of the surgeons, and yet another nurse. And yep all the same questions over and over. I know safety etc... but you must admit it gets old.

While the anesthesiologist was in the room the nurse was trying to get Brad's IV in. Apparently he has "tough skin" so the anesthesiologist had to step in and get it. I, none too fond of needles being poked into skin, turned my head then stupidly turned it back just to see a huge gush of blood pour out. The floor had to be cleaned, scrubs had to be changed...just a very pleasant view. Brad told the nurse that she softened the skin up for the anesthesiologist.

The surgeon came in and kinda explained the steps in which things would happen. Brad would be given a seditave, wheeled back, knocked out, and then they would start putting "ghetto braces" (his words not mine) on him. This consists of wires wrapped around each tooth with lil hooks for the wires or bands to be hooked on to keep Brad's jaws together for the 6 weeks needed for healing. He told us this part usually takes a long time, it is easy to do just tedious. After that was done the 1st incision will be made and all the jaw sawing, screwing, etc... will begin.

The whole time we are in pre-op Brad and I are both trying to hold back tears of fear and think positive. Listening to the barrage of what could go wrong and signing those last consent papers was scary. We went in knowing the risks but when they are laid out for you all over again minutes before you or your loved on is about to take them, just plain scary, no way around it. I wonder how many people jump ship in pre-op?

Well there was one risk I guess I was blissfully unaware of- the chance that his airway could swell too much and he would have to stay sedated over night until the swelling went down enough he could breath on his own. Um, yep not a fan of that choice!

Before we knew it, it was 8:30am,  time to say goodbye for now and watch him get wheeled away. I was scared and hoping he got to see us that night, not the next day. Please don't swell airway, pretty please!

I had my pager in hand just waiting for the updates. I was told I would get them every two hours starting when they made the first incision.

The last nurse informed me that the 5 hour surgery time given doesn't really start until the first incision. I'm glad she told me this or I would have really been panicking later on....

5am...yep AM!

The time is set 8:30am tomorrow morning. We get to be there at 6:45. Yep, I have to vacate my bed and be in a car by a little after 5 am. Ugh! Did I mention I usually go to bed about 2 am.

Tonight's "last meal" is Saganos- Japanese Steak House Brad loves. The kids will be shipped off after dinner and I am certain real fear will set in.

Tomorrow the FIL is coming with. I am glad I won't be alone at the hospital the entire day.

I've spent the day packing for everyone and getting our bedroom all beautimous! No clothes piles, dust bunnies, or Lucy's morning bowl collections. I packed up the C-PAP machine (for some reason the hospital wants it to come along?) wow Brad's nightstand looks so much better w/o it! So glad that this is hopefully the last night he has to wear it!

I am calling about the Brad-sitting job...

Dear Stress,

You are not my friend. I do not like you. Go away!

I'm stressing out. I'm being strong yet wanting to cry. I am a planner. I plan things. I know how things will go way to far in advance for the normal person. So what does my next week look like. Well hmm... Wed we get to call and then wait for someone else to call us back and set a time for surgery the next day. So that leaves Thursday with no known starting time-  I do know that is a long day of hospital sitting possibly alone, possibly with my Father in Law. If the FIL goes is he riding with us or meeting me there? Should Brad and I stay Wed night in Ann Arbor. How about Thursday night, should I stay there?

Then Friday, obviously still hospital but do I drive up, how long do I stay. Saturday same thing only on this day I know my in laws can't keep the kids. Maybe I should just get a hotel for the weekend for the kids and I, and drag my mom along to watch the kids while I go to the hospital? But can she keep 3 kids under control in a hotel room? And how much would that run? And is Brad even going to want me up there? Will the kids be allowed to visit? Do we want them to?  I know Brad says now he wants to seem them, but how will he feel after? Will that just be too scary? What really is he going to look like?

Sunday, this could be discharge day- it is day 3. Mon- Fri the next week- same thing is Brad still in the hospital is he at home? When he is at home is he bad enough that I feel like he needs constant supervision to make sure he is breathing, nothing is going wrong. I mean the man won't be able to yell- hello mouth wired shut! And his whole head is supposed to be swollen.

How long am I going to feel as though I need a Brad-sitter? A ton of my friends have offered up help but how much is too much and does someone really want to come over just to sit with Brad while I run to the grocery store. What about quick trips to pick up/drop off the kids at the activities.

Oh and before we even get to the home care area first we have to go through surgery- a 5 hour, bone cutting, drilling, pretty freaking invasive surgery. And ICU- it is not the least bit comforting to know that he goes directly from surgery to the ICU.

I can tell the stress is wearing on both of us. I'm keeping my fear in and reassuring him. And he is pretty scared and trying to keep it somewhat under wraps as well I think. So what happens- oh we argue, about stupid things.

I just want to know, I want to know exactly how everything will go. I want to know that everything will be okay. That this is but a teeny speed bump and we will hardly even notice the disruption to our smooth path together.

He just gets to lay there and recover....

I finally made it to one of Brad's appointments, the previously mentioned Pre-op. I was feeling very out of the loop, only hearing what to expect as second hand from Brad. And face it men, you just do not relay information very well.

I am the one in charge of all the after-care, I mean come on, Brad has the easy job. He just gets to lay there and recover! hehehe.... But no, I don't want to switch places with him!

Anyways, I was feeling very apprehensive about what to expect. How long will he be in the hospital, how do I feed him, how does he take the meds he usually takes every day, all that kind of stuff.... Unfortunately, this pre-op appt didn't really answer my questions. Note to all partners out there- go to the INITIAL appt, the one before they are actually approved for surgery! (At least in Brad's case that was the informative one.)

So some lil tid bits I do know. We do not find out what time his surgery is until the night before. This is not very convenient when you have a long drive! I am going to look into hotels right now because I think I'll either want to stay with Brad the night before or on my own the night of if it runs late.

Surgery will take about 5 hours. I get to spend these 5 hours alone in Ann Arbor- fun. This is when I wish all of my friends didn't have kids. After surgery he will be admitted into the ICU. I don't get to go see him until he is all set in his room. I'm not sure if ICU visitor hours come into effect here or not but no way am I leaving w/o seeing him! The idea of him having to go directly to ICU after surgery freaks me out, really highlights just how major this surgery is.

During the following days they will monitor his breathing etc... to decide a discharge date. Normal hospital stay is 3-5 days. I will be informed during his discharge on all the proper post-op care, how and what to feed him, when he is allowed to do certain activities again, how to medicate him, when to call the Dr.... I was hoping my Father in Law could go with me to pick him up just for driving reasons but now I am thinking I want my Mother in Law to come so she can know all this stuff too and help me out when needed.

So here we are 5 days away....

Park where?

So one of us has to be the "everything will be okay" person. I get that job...yay? So as far as surgery goes. I'm being positive, no worries. Assuring Brad all will be okay.

But my anxiety needs to be directed somewhere, I can't make it just go away even though I would like it to. So my brain has decided to focus on the drive/being alone getting home and back. I am in charge of driving myself to Ann Arbor and home and back and home, for up to 5 days. Plus getting Brad home when he is finally released. Me thinks the in-laws need to go with me to pick him up! I don't like driving places where I have no idea of where I am. Yes, google maps street view or perhaps a Tom Tom...

I'm telling you I don't even know where Ann Arbor is! So hold your hand up to shape our great mitten and ummm...yep no clue...I do know it isn't directly East or anywhere North so I guess I kinda have an idea...but  West and South is still a big area!

So today I went with Brad to his pre-op appt partially in hopes of feeling better about the drive. Well of course this appt is not held at the hospital, not on it's massive main campus- nope that might be too convenient.

After the pre-op Brad had me drive to the hospital. He showed me the parking ramp. Then he had me drive back out towards the e-way. Ok so today I know but next week will I? And then once I walk into the hospital, will I find my way back out?

And why in the world have I chosen this to be my main fear- good Lord my husband is having a 5 hour surgery and I'm concerned about how to get back home!

BTW, I do now know that Ann Arbor is straight down 23! Go me! Should I pass it... um yeah, I don't know where I'd end up...Detroit perhaps?

Don't worry Brad you are in safe hands, I'll get you home.....eventually!

The Partners Point of View

1,2,3,4........28,29,30.... kick ....gasp for air, snore....silence...bed shake, bed shake, chest caving in, kick, gasp, loud snore....repeat over and over....

This is how I spend my time "sleeping." I have sleep apnea... but not the kind that would show up if I was tested... My poor sweet Brad is the real sufferer.

Being the person that shares a bed with sleep apnea sufferer (SAS) is no walk in the park. The snoring is unbelievable. I think you could hear him outside in the backyard. I'm amazed the neighbors don't complain! Brad has another great attribute to his SA. His chest caves in while he is trying to breath, this caving makes the bed shake... so every few seconds bed shake, snore, bed shake, snore...my own personal vibrating bed I guess!

Brad falls asleep almost instantaneously. So putting his C-PAP machine on- not happening. He hates that thing, and who wouldn't- do you want to sleep with a mask on? Sounds so comfy! So here beings another nighttime ritual. Shake, shake, shake.. "Brad wake up, put your mask on." grumble grumble, roll over, back to sleep- repeat far too many times until he is finally awake enough or willing to put that darn thing on- some days I just say forget about it and either vacate to the couch or somehow fall asleep amongst the noise. (There are the amazing days when I come to bed and he is already asleep, mask in place!)

The mask- lets talk about sleeping with someone wearing a C-PAP mask.... do you know that thing not only blows air in but out as well... so who do you think that air hits- oh me...falling asleep while cool air is continuously blowing in your face, just fantastic.

And the hissing- it is just white noise, oh whatever...CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

Then there is the humming- the my mask is on my face but something isn't sealed right so it is just going to hum and hum loudly hum! And can I fix this hum- oh no. The second I touch that mask guess who is rolling over. And will he wake up to fix it himself- another big NOPE!

So you would think well at least the humming, hissing, or blowing air is better then the snoring and bed shaking... oh that stuff still doesn't go away... sometimes yes it does, or at least it lessens it... but most of the time it is still there.

I've often thought to myself, we are going to be that old couple that has their own rooms. The idea of that breaks my heart. And sometimes I fear we will never get to be that old couple because of the health risks that come along with severe sleep apnea.

So the search for a better solution was on.... Dental appliance, oh the run around, who, where, what INS covers it. Just a useless waste of time. Then the ENT, maybe tonsils taken out. More sleep studies, pressure and masks changed out, rejection from ENT....google searches... an idea- MMA- Maxillomandibular Advancement.

The short of MMA- break your top and bottom jaw bones, move them forward, wire your mouth shut for 6 weeks, long slow recovery but tada- a bigger airway, the ability to breath, and bye bye sleep apnea!

SOLD!

Oh what, I'm not the one that has to go through the pain so I can't choose? But I still choose SOLD! Can I pull out the "I have been pregnant for 27 months and delivered 3 babies" card? You can handle this pain!

Really Brad was kinda sold off the bat too... obviously we did a lot of research and knew going into this all the risks, pain, and time involved. But the improvement on his quality of life just seems to out weigh the cons.

It took a lot of time and Dr appts to get to where we are now- and where is that you may ask- oh it is 9 days away from surgery. There are not any local Drs who perform this procedure. And to be approved you have to go through a round of tests. I think from his 1st appt until surgery on the 11th he will have had 7 appointments. All of them being rather long.

So here we are in the pre-op home stretch.

I see an end to sleep apnea in sight.... I know this is going to be a long recovery and a ton of work and pain but I am hopeful. I am hopeful for Brad to have a life outside of masks, medications, dragging himself out of bed dead tired, and sleepwalking through his life.

So here is my MMA survival journal...the partners point of view...

to be continued......