Info Overload

I'm so over loaded I don't even know how to start this blog.... but it starts sitting in an empty waiting room for three hours staring at ugly artwork and mismatched chairs. Sitting and thinking...

ADHD, there it is. This is what I heard coming out of a Doctor's mouth yesterday. Followed by an explanation of just how difficult my child was to test and even though she is not a "jump on board with meds" kinda person, in his case she thinks it would be very beneficial. Then off to said waiting room for 3 hours while she continued to test Wyatt. Hmmm, maybe she could have saved that morsel of information for the end of the appointment. And perhaps my book choice wasn't the best... House Rules by Jodi Picoult.

This diagnosis was not really an official one yet and there is still continued testing to rule out a mild form of Aspergers (this is where the poor book choice comes in). The only reason I know about her impending diagnosis is before she started testing I told her I'd like to have a few words, that there have been some behavior changes since we started this process. I went on about the crazy non-stop antics and how I felt like the worst mom just failing all around. Failing Wyatt, failing Levi, glad Lucy wasn't old enough to realize just how much I am failing yet, failing...

She proceeded to tell me that she is going to diagnose ADHD and has been waiting for me to come in to tell her all of this information. That she knew from the first day of talking and testing that I would. And she threw in there that I wasn't failing but it didn't seem all that convincing coming from a Dr who has met me all of 4 times and has never even seen my other children. And I know I'm not failing horribly- but we all expect better from ourselves and I feel like I am just so far away from where I should be... and being the perfectionist and over achiever that I am anything less then perfection, well that is failing.

I just think there are all these signs that I missed for so long, what else am I over-looking? The very first appointment with her made me start to look with clearer eyes at our life. There were so many things I said were not affecting our lives but really they were. It happened so gradually we slowly changed the way we did things and it just felt normal. Even since yesterday when she said ADHD I'm already seeing things I didn't necessarily see before and thinking " OH! that does make sense now!" (Perhaps I'm just easily persuaded... would someone please tell me I have perfect angel children so I can start seeing that?!)

Anyways, I came home ready to Google ( you know I LOVE me some Google)- diet changes, medications, schedules, charts, behavior plans, vitamins, etc... there has to be a ton of information out there but the Dr gave me none, not a thing- just a " Hey I've decided your son has ADHD and here is a name of a neurologist to make an appt with..." But Google is not my friend on this topic because Google has too much info. I don't know where to start. I don't know what is legitimate. Why can't it be as easy as stalking out an address? That I am good at. Heck, I found my long lost brother with only a name, a general area, and remembering he was a fireman once. I found his cell phone number in township meeting minutes! Stalking I can do- research apparently not. If it was research for someone else I bet that would be easier too.... I'm over thinking perhaps...

I'm a problem solver, that is what I do. I pinpoint the problem, I come up with a solution, and I implement steps to ensure resolution. I don't know what is exactly the problem- does one thing effect another? What is the root? Do you change one thing at a time or everything at once? So I can't come up with a solution or even start a plan.

So now my secondary problem is that I don't know how to gather information on dealing with ADHD. My resolution is having the needed info, so my solution- well that is this blog, to clear my head and solicit advise from you and a call to our Primary Care Doctor is in order for Monday....staking her out on Facebook like I want is probably not a good idea...(and yes of course I've found her but I will not message or hit that friend request button)

Now you, please info overload me.... I need valid reliable sources, forget all of Google's sources- I pick you- now GO!

The Ties That Bind

Siblings, they should be your forever friends.  Understandably, you are not going to get along all the time but these are the people that pretty much have the closest view on what life is like for you, they are there through all the ups and downs, usually experiencing them with you. I'm lacking in that close sibling bond. Probably becasue I wasn't raised with any of my siblings, most of my life I was an only child.

I knew when I had children it would be that- children. I wanted my kids to have a brother or a sister, perhaps both, so there would always be one person in the world they could turn to when it felt like the world was caving in on them, when they were so excited they wanted to shout news from the roof tops, or even when they were just bored.

My kids are kids, they fight, they bicker, they push each others buttons. But they also (occasionally) help each other out and are genuinely concerned about one another. Wyatt has an appointment every week and he gets a piece of candy afterwards and he always picks out something for Levi and Lucy. Each one of them has their own special ways of showing their love.

By no means am I saying I have angel children who are each others best friends 24/7 and get along perfectly. In fact my kids can probably quote my " Your brother/sister is your best friend for life and you need to get along now so you will be friends when you are older" speech becasue I have given (okay ranted) it so many times, mostly in the car. The car seems to be a breeding ground for sibling fights. I don't think there is a car on the planet big enough to keep kids from arguing in it if they are there long enough.

Anyways, this summer has been especially trying in our household. We've been going through a lot with Wyatt's behavior so it has been affecting everyone, making for some tense days.

This morning started like too many this summer have.... " Can I please play My Sims?" followed by running down the stairs, the TV turning on, and a wail.... " Why do you always get the TV, go in the backroom. My favorite stuff is on THIS TV...."
I'm so done with this fight that I just stayed in bed. There is no happy resolution to this particular fight even though we have 3 TV's they both want the living room one no matter what so I figure I'll just let them work it out and they seem to, it gets quiet.

Later on the way home from the gym I hear the same argument only this time Wyatt has his finger on his seat belt ready to pop it and run inside before Levi can get out since he has the window seat. So Levi covers Wyatt's seat-belt release keeping him from leaving. There they are in the car, fighting about who can get out first so they can have control of the TV, but no one is actually getting out. The crying, screaming, mean tones... that was it- I was done. No letting them work it out or sibling best friend speech is going to solve this!

"NO ONE GETS THE TV!" I roar because face it- we can't all be Michelle Dugger calm all the time!

In the house they both find there way to the couch crying. I stood there staring at them, it was like I was watching their future- the one where they aren't friends and they hate each other- one of my worst nightmares. What have I done to let this rift form between them and how can I fix it? I stood there for about 5 minutes staring, thinking about every option I could consider on how to build some teamwork between them. I'm certain they thought I was just a crazy person standing there like that. I went through so many scenarios I will spare you all of them except the one I went with- yarn.

The ties that bind right? Why can't that be literal? I grabbed a skein of yarn, snipped a section off and told them to give me their wrists. At first they thought I was joking becasue they were not going to give up their wrists. I tied nice little bows ( double knotted and extra tight- but pretty!) and told them they would stay like this until they could get along and work together.

Immediately fighting ensued. It was actually quite comical and I so should have broke out the video camera, I did snap the picture below. Levi decided they were going upstairs so he picked Wyatt up and threw him off the couch onto the floor. Wyatt started crawling away. All this was doing was making the yarn tighter and tighter. They are crying and saying it hurts so I tell them to move closer together- nope, the refuse. They cried and fought for about 30 minutes before they realized their plan of action was getting them nowhere but a sore wrist.

I made them eat lunch tied together. Even though Wyatt didn't want to eat he had to sit there with Levi. Holding a cup to drink with the hand tied to the other person was risky but they did it. I told them if one of them made the others drink spill they would both clean it because for now they were one person.

After lunch they fought some more about what to do and where to do it. Finally, they agreed to play a video game together. I wanted to veto the video game but it took them about an hour to get to this decision so I let it go.

It was peaceful. I heard them up there talking and getting along as they worked together to finish a couple missions. So when they came downstairs after about 30 minutes and asked if they could cut the string I said okay, after you hug of course. A quick "oh my gosh, she is making us hug" hug and they were free.

After that they both agreed who would get what TV and went off to their own things. Later in the car a small disagreement started. I simply said " do you want me to get some yarn?" and like that problem solved- there was no argument. And so far this evening there hasn't been anymore fights- which is fantastic becasue it has been like Armageddon around here this summer with them. I may start carrying a piece of yarn with me at all times.

Short-term my plan has worked. I hope that long term my master plan works because I want so badly for my children to always always always be each others confidant and that they won't need actual ties to bind them.