You are not my friend. I do not like you. Go away!
I'm stressing out. I'm being strong yet wanting to cry. I am a planner. I plan things. I know how things will go way to far in advance for the normal person. So what does my next week look like. Well hmm... Wed we get to call and then wait for someone else to call us back and set a time for surgery the next day. So that leaves Thursday with no known starting time- I do know that is a long day of hospital sitting possibly alone, possibly with my Father in Law. If the FIL goes is he riding with us or meeting me there? Should Brad and I stay Wed night in Ann Arbor. How about Thursday night, should I stay there?
Then Friday, obviously still hospital but do I drive up, how long do I stay. Saturday same thing only on this day I know my in laws can't keep the kids. Maybe I should just get a hotel for the weekend for the kids and I, and drag my mom along to watch the kids while I go to the hospital? But can she keep 3 kids under control in a hotel room? And how much would that run? And is Brad even going to want me up there? Will the kids be allowed to visit? Do we want them to? I know Brad says now he wants to seem them, but how will he feel after? Will that just be too scary? What really is he going to look like?
Sunday, this could be discharge day- it is day 3. Mon- Fri the next week- same thing is Brad still in the hospital is he at home? When he is at home is he bad enough that I feel like he needs constant supervision to make sure he is breathing, nothing is going wrong. I mean the man won't be able to yell- hello mouth wired shut! And his whole head is supposed to be swollen.
How long am I going to feel as though I need a Brad-sitter? A ton of my friends have offered up help but how much is too much and does someone really want to come over just to sit with Brad while I run to the grocery store. What about quick trips to pick up/drop off the kids at the activities.
Oh and before we even get to the home care area first we have to go through surgery- a 5 hour, bone cutting, drilling, pretty freaking invasive surgery. And ICU- it is not the least bit comforting to know that he goes directly from surgery to the ICU.
I can tell the stress is wearing on both of us. I'm keeping my fear in and reassuring him. And he is pretty scared and trying to keep it somewhat under wraps as well I think. So what happens- oh we argue, about stupid things.
I just want to know, I want to know exactly how everything will go. I want to know that everything will be okay. That this is but a teeny speed bump and we will hardly even notice the disruption to our smooth path together.
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