Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, St. Patty's, Presidents Day, Labor day, Halloween, 4th of July.... if there is any form of holiday associated with a day my mother will get my kids something. But not just one something but a whole bag...per kid...that is times 3 people. And I'm not talking gift bag size, not even grocery bag size, nope I'm talking garbage bag size! She also has moved on from those regular old garbage bags, you know the ones that don't stretch. Lord knows you need the stretch ones so you can fit every last bit of dollar store crap you can in there. At least she uses a fitting bag, and no I don't mean fitting as in room, I mean fitting as in the stuff inside of it is junk.
Occasionally there are a few treasures. Every time she actually gets the kids something they like and they gasp in excitement, I sigh with discouragement- oh no! She knows they like that, now we will be bombarded with it. My sister and I learned at a young age never to mention a new like, hobby, etc... becasue in no time at all it would be ruined for us. We would drown in it. Because you see if you like something you need every possible item having to do with it. And apparently you can never outgrow your likes either.
I can't even remember how far back it was but my sister made the mistake of letting my mom find out she liked Garfield. So what did she receive on every gift worthy holiday (which if you forgot is all of them) oh Garfield everything; a stuffed Garfield dressed like Santa, one holding a heart, another with a graduation hat, then a smaller Santa one (why? becasue it isn't the same size as the first Santa silly, you need them all!) But it isn't just stuffed animals. Nope, you get Garfield clothes, jewelry, and of course home decor becasue frankly, who wouldn't want that cat just over taking every corner of their house? I mean you like Garfield so he should be everywhere, if you turn your head you should see him. Oh so that means your car needs him too- Garfield air fresheners, floor mats, window stickers... And don't worry if stores stop selling Garfield items well then you, my dear, will be lucky enough to receive any generic orange cat item she can find. You can tell her over and over that you have moved on from Garfield but sorry that does not compute. Even if you are 30, you will still enjoy a little Garfield figurine don't you know.
At some point you will finally you break down and tell her a new like becasue if you see one more Garfield you might just lose your mind. Anna (my sister) moved on to Nutcrackers. I think she foolishly thought our mother would only find these gems at Christmas and couldn't possibly over do it. I mean they are nutcrackers they don't make a ton of stuff with them on it, right? Wrong! I'm telling you if they make it she will find it (said in your best Kevin Costner voice). I think my sisters Nutcracker "Army" could overtake Cuba if someone built them a little Nutcracker Boat and sent them on their way. Maybe my mom will even find a Nutcracker boat and then we can set them sail! I'm sure Anna is game. Seriously though, at family get-togethers Anna tries to stuff the Nutcrackers into other peoples bags. And since most get-togethers are at my house she tries to leave them here lurking in my basement.
So anyways, back to my kids. They have yet to clue in on this wonderful trait their Grandmother has. They realize that she buys them the same few things over and over. And in their case she really does buy the SAME thing- she stays on the theme- Levi gets Star Wars, Wyatt's is Batman, and Lucy well her garbage bags puke pink princess everything. But she just keeps getting the same few things. She can't drive and only has limited store resources so every holiday she buys whatever they have in the according themes not realizing they haven't changed their stock out and she has already give my kids these things.
I try to tell them not to rave about something to their grandma but it is too late already. Levi will be receiving Star Wars items for the rest of my mother's life. He could be grown with his own kids and you know what my mom will buy him? A Star Wars toilet seat- and no, I'm not joking (my kids watched Sponge Bob while she was here- I was the proud receiver of a Sponge Bob toilet seat at the next visit- um thanks mom, it will really match my rock and water bathroom theme).
Anna will be having the next grandchild, maybe we will get smart this time and tell her the baby likes money. But then the little cutie will end up with play money, a towel that looks like a $100 bill, money wall paper, wallets, coin purses, piggy banks, anything that happens to be green ( becasue money is green of course), oh man, there is no winning this is there.....
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