Yes, it is true, I have become a baby hater. A true, certified (if that was such a thing), card carrying (again if that was a real thing) baby hater! Sorry to all my friends that are still in the baby bearing stage. It is nothing personal I swear. I just can't help it.
It is like this...I don't want to see your baby, or tell you how cute he is, I don't want to hold him, change a diaper, or have to wipe bodily fluids of any kind off of me or him. I don't want to play with him or listen to stories about how he pulled himself up today, or have to pretend to be interested in his sleep schedule. And man oh man I just want to go out with you, that baby is ruining our time!
Yes, I have become like your childless friends. But there is a difference, you childless friends are just clueless. Me, well I know too much, that is the reason for my hating. I've been there, far too many times. I've spent what seemed like months awake. I've cleaned things that should be considered nuclear waste. I've spent years of my life walking and quieting an inconsolable child. I've tried to force food into a mouth that only knows how to spit not swallow. You name it and I have done it. Not only have I been through 4 of my own babies but I also worked in the baby room at a couple of daycares and babysat. I have done my fair share of "babytime." I blame them, those babies have done me in and turned me agaist them all on their own.
What was at one point in my life "cute" has now become annoying. I used to love babies and wanted to hold them and be with them all the time.... things have changed! There is however, a couple exceptions to my baby hating, one is for my friends. Since I have been there I know how much you need and want to talk about your baby, I'll listen. I know you deserve to eat a meal without a child on your lap or your food being cold and I will gladly help. That kind of stuff. But the help is now for my friends not for the love of babies like it once was. The other exception is newborns of any kind. Yep, I still love newborns, they are so tiny, sleepy, and cuddly. Newborns can suck me right in. But they have some poison in their smell. A poision that makes even the biggest baby hater think for just one second, oh I want one..... But then they cry their little lamb cry and you remember, yep here is your kid back! Have fun, me I'll be over here sleeping in.
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