There is a strange silence in my house these days, er I mean nights. Sleeping with Brad is a whole new experience. From our very first night together sometime in March of 2002 until March 11, 2010 it was nearly the same, well gradually getting worse as the years went by. Him fighting to breath while he slept and me fighting to sleep through the noise.
Now all I hear is breathing, I can't tell if it is the dog or Brad unless I pick my head up off the pillow. And for the record it is both, they both exhale nearly the exact same way, I'll keep some comments to myself (this one time) about other similarities!
Usually when it was that quiet it meant Brad wasn't breathing and I got, I mean had to hit him. The silence of before was always quickly followed by a loud snore gasping for air, and a chest caving bed shake and a sinking in my heart of what this health problem held in store for our future together, one I want to be long.
Once my eyes are accustom to the darkness and I can see Brad's profile, there is another shock. His face is different. It is not the same profile I once shared a bed with. Great, now I'm a cheater. I have found a quieter similarly looking Brad replacement. Maybe this new face will send us back to those first magical times when you first meet and everything is new and exciting.
Actually, I am kinda hopeful it will. I mean I really am getting a whole new person here. Think back to say when you had your first child. Just how sleep deprived you were. How you slacked on everything, napped when you could, how you could not have cared less when you left the house looking like a homeless person. Well in a way that is how Brad has been for most of his adult life. Dragging himself through just waiting for the next time he could TRY to sleep. Our typical day consisted of him struggling to wake up and get out the door for work. Him working but being so tired. Home for dinner then he'd collapse on the couch and sleep a couple of hours. He'd wake up when the kids were already in bed. Then we'd watch some TV or mess around online until it was back to bed. A family outing- not really happening without some pushing. He had become a couch potato, and who wouldn't?
Plus, his sleep apnea caused other health problems, he needed to lose weight, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. We aren't sure what his cholesterol is like but he has already lost a ton of weight, his blood pressure is under control, and he hasn't been taking his medication for that either.
So yes, I am hopeful that I am now with a new man. One that sleeps at night and wakes up refreshed. One that is only as tired as the rest of us! Oh the projects around the house Brad has waiting for him! And no more homebody, can't go anywhere Brad. Nope, we are doing stuff!
This getting to sleep next to a quiet person is still very odd. Some nights I cry because I am just so happy for him, for us. Other times I have to check and see if he is dead because I just can not believe the difference. The one thing I'll miss...now I don't get, er I mean have to hit him....lol.... I love you Bradley!
No comments:
Post a Comment